I remember that - within a relationship with a partner - I eventually started to be jealous, I mean, how was that. Well after some time, like 3 months, I realized that she was very 'friendly' with a boy, and, I really feared her to betray me and go with him - so, within this I started to construct a jealousy character, where I would check all her male-friends, comparing myself to them - like, 'oh this is an ass-hole, no danger with this one', and, one day, there was a post in her facebook wall that said something about her under-wear, so I thought 'wtf, only I am able to speak with her about that', and I compared myself with him like 'maybe he is more funny than me', and I asked her to erase him - and she did it. So - within the context of the 'very-friend' of her, I started to compete with him, in terms of, I would try to get in a position of 'I am better than you', just hugging my partner, or kissing her, like 'take this ass-hole'. And I mean, this words can show how nasty I was with her, I mean, I used nastiness to manipulate her, in terms of scaring her to stop her friendships, and I would gossip his friends when talking with her, and sometimes she just, asked me to stop gossiping, that were her friends. So this a dimension of how I destroyed that relationship because of my self-interest.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control the relationship in terms of watching and limiting my partner's friends because of not trusting in her, and believing and fearing that she could betray me, as the self-interest point of not taking responsibility for my own thoughts about betraying my partner, and where obviously the relationship starting point was from betraying my partner's friend, so I saw myself in her, and within that there was no proof about a betray/infidelity and I mean, within this, I realize the importance of sharing the past about relationships to really get know what is happening with both of us, and to establish a real self-trust in terms of being aware of my past in my relationships and walk it through self-forgiveness to really not allow and accept these kind of issues that may lead the relationship to a breakdown.
When and as I see myself trying to control my partner's friendships - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am responsible for my own jealousy thoughts, and within that the self-interest of 'only I can betray you', so trying to control to have a superior position upon her, where obviously there is no one and equal consideration as myself, rather the creation of a breakdown of the relationship as consequence.
I commit myself to establish self-trust within a relationship, making and walking the agreement of share our past relationships and walk them through self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner betraying me, because of trying to control her friendships, and within that, as a mirror of my own betray to start a relationship with her, so, without realizing that there's no equal and one consideration in attempting to control and limit my partner's friendships, as the indication of my own fear of being betrayed, where is my own responsibility to solve it, and evading my own fear is not the solution, because that is just separation and inequality, for trying to control my partner so I could get a position of 'everything will be ok' - unacceptable.
When and as I see myself fearing my partner betraying me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to control the relationship to a point of 'everything will be ok' getting drive by the fear of being betrayed, so there I don't need to face my fear of being betrayed, and within this that is the backdoor to consider the opportunity to betray my partner.
I commit myself to a relationship as agreement with only one partner, and to give fidelity as I would like to receive fidelity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with my partner friends in terms of who is more than me, and who is less than me in order to see what friends my partner would have to delete to remain with me, without realizing that no one is more on less than me, rather equal and one as me, and that all kind of comparison and beliefs about my partner friends were not real, because was the reflection of my own experiences and memories, thus I realize how I created a whole idea about my partner, to an extent where I didn't recognize that if I was believing about her was real, and it wasn't real, was in fact my own reflection, where I didn't even speak about that with her, so I can see how important is sharing our past and our starting points, I mean, everything, because we build certain characters that may affect the relationship like in this case, where my own responsibility within betraying my partner would lead me to create a jealousy character that do not consider the person in fact, rather the reflections of my past in form of beliefs about my partner.
When and as I see myself comparing myself to my partner friends - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I compare myself to see what friend I must watch or ask to be deleted as jealousy character, and where there is no consideration of free expression and equality, rather only the self interest point of having everything under control, where control is in fact manipulation.
I commit myself to make and walk the agreement of not letting ourselves to control our friends, rather walk every point of emotion and feeling regards to jealous in self-forgiveness, within a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the only one that can speak about underwear with my partner, like if my partner were from my property, thus a point of total abuse and control and manipulation, without considering my partner as a human being that is equal and one with me, and within this that it is not about that I am the only one that can speak about underwear with her, rather understanding that all of us use underwear, so it is obviously a point of and as myself as having reaction of talk about underwear as if where a taboo or intimate or something like that, as my own associations to it, so:
When and as I see myself believing that I am the only one that can speak about underwear with my partner - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only point that I am trying to make is control the relationship as control my partner as if where an object of my property thus not considering her as life as equal and one with me.
I commit myself to support myself seeing what reactions I have in seeing my partner interactions with friends, and walking those points in self-forgiveness as the understanding that I am responsible for them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask my partner to delete her friends to try to evade the fear of being betrayed, without realizing that that fear was my own creation and that there was no relation with reality within that fear, thus that the only output as consequence that I can create within driving myself through the fear of being betrayed it is beliefs about my partner, beliefs that are not real as my starting point is just fear without a real knowing of her, and without realizing that that fear is in fact fear of losing her as fear of losing a position of control over her, and that reflects my own responsibility of defining myself through the relationship and/or her, thus:
When and as I see myself wanting to ask my partner to delete her friends - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to escape from the fear of being betrayed when asking her to delete her friends, so trying to control the whole relationship and my partner itself in order to make the illusion of 'everything it is ok', when in fact it is not, because the source of my fear are my own memories, thus I cannot escape from the consequence, rather face it
I commit myself to establish an agreement of exposing our fears and walking them through self-forgiveness and seeing how we created it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hug and kiss my partner as the starting point of competition with my partner’s friend to be more than them apparently showing that 'she's mine', without considering that I cannot be more or less than anyone thus it is a point of separation as the competition of who is the best, where obviously it is a self interest point of trying to glorify the ego, when in fact we are one and equal as life as the physical, and within this, the unacceptable point of believing every type of control over my partner, because I have no control over her, and that in fact the attempt to control her it is obviously because fearing to lose her, because she was the vehicle through which I could fulfill my sexual desires and my superiority position – total abuse.
When and as I see myself competing with my partner’s friend/s - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to glorify my ego in terms of get a position of more than my friend, and that I do not consider life as equality in doing so.
I commit myself to give physical affection to my partner as self-expression, thus supporting myself deciding to give physical affect.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nasty with my partner to manipulate and scare her to do what I want, without considering her as a human being self-expressing himself, so without realizing that in the attempt of trying to control her to do what I want there's no life consideration, rather only a self interest point of having control over her as if she were an object to manipulate, thus it is unacceptable, I mean:
When and as I see myself being nasty with my parent - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to control and manipulate her to do what I want to not lose her because of using her to fulfill my sexual desires and to have a position of being more than her.
I commit myself to establish a effective communication with my partner, thus walking points related to self-expression, and seeing how we create the way we express, in terms of assessing if it is self movement, or mind drive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip my partner friends when talking with my partner to make her believe that is best erase them or maybe I would break up with her, so as a point of utilizing the fear of losing me to manipulate her decisions, without letting her just express herself and communicate with friends, rather just being driven by my own fear of being betrayed as fear of lose her so not being able to have positive experiences of ‘I have a partner, I am the best’ - besides without considering my own words as gossip, as the obvious fact of my jealousy character.
When and as I see myself gossiping my partner friends when talking with her - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only that I try to do within gossiping her friends is just manipulate her through pushing her buttons to fear to lose me so I can get what I want, I mean, escaping from the possibility of her betraying me, thus there is no equality within that in terms of considering my partner as a individual human being that is alive as me as well, so that is equal to and as me.
I commit myself to develop self-awareness about the words that I speak, considering if I really assist and support life equality in my words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of not being allowed by my partner to gossip her friends as a point of being irritated due to not receiving positive feedback about my gossip, where obviously what is best for all is in fact stopping gossiping my partner friends, so there is no consideration of myself as the living word, rather consideration of my own self-interest of trying to manipulate the decisions of my partner so she can delete her friends in order to not lose me, where obviously is unacceptable.
When and as I see myself irritated because of being stopped by a person when gossiping persons - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I use irritation as the AZ trick to make a reaction of fear losing me within my partner to manipulate her, so there is no self-consideration as oneness and equality as life.
I commit myself to support myself to assess how I create gossiping, and what are my words showing to and as myself when communicating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that jealousy is when we love a person, as a justification to not see how we create a jealousy character because of fear losing the person/partner, so, that fear of loss is in fact our attempt to have a secure sex slave, and a person which we can perceive ourselves as the best, thus, without considering that we are in fact one and equal human beings here, and that I cannot lose anything unless that I put a value in separation from myself, I mean, defining myself through my partner, where there is no self-consideration, rather the self-interest point of separate myself from myself as life as the only value to get a position of the best for someone, love, where the person would actually fear to lose me so she would be kind with me to not create any anger reaction, and I mean this point is totally abusive, enslaving ourselves deliberately to get what we want.
When and as I see myself being jealous with my partner – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to control her and to be nasty with her to abuse her and have her as a sex slave, and to have a position of being the best for her, and within hat, making she doing what I want through manipulating through fear of lose me.
I commit myself to bring myself back to here as breath every time when I see myself having nasty thoughts about my partner because of being jealous, and to communicate immediately as it is a harmful character.
I commit myself to show that jealousy in fact starts by our own responsibility in relationship betray, and that is not love at all, rather our mental show to suppress our fear of being betrayed, and that the only way to stop that fear, is assessing and writing how we created it, and walking it through self-forgiveness.
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