Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The #Consequence of trying to #Save #People and being #Important #God: #Isolation

In the past, I would like to smoke weed, drink alcohol/beer, and smoke cigarettes, and when I found Desteni, at the beginning, I tried to change the people instead of changing myself, standing up - and what happened within that, after some time, I isolated myself because I realize that I was bored of that kind of life, I mean, not bored for the weed or alcohol or cigarettes, rather the routine, like, always trying save the people, and obviously there were not results, so, I believed that I was too late to make a difference - obviously within the point of separation/trying to save people, because I talked about spirituality and stuff like that, so was a point of believing 'shit, I screwed up, if I would not speak about that, maybe they would change', and I felt regret for what I spoke, AND, the other dimension for isolating myself, was because I defined myself according to my friends, and everything just fell down because now I was in 'another tune', I mean, I realized that was required to stop my participation, so, the expectation about myself was being important/recognized, the future projection was my friends starting their processes, the fear of failing again in trying to save them or push them to process, and obviously there I believed that was failure, when in fact failure doesn't exist because we direct ourselves here, so failure can only exist as a projection. And I removed myself from my participation to not have to face my addictions and my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to save people from the world instead of saving myself in terms of changing and correcting and aligning myself into and as what is best for all, due to seeking importance and recognition to be the savior of the world and be honored, without considering that what we have to honor is in fact life itself so, we are life, thus we must honor ourselves aligning ourselves into and as life as oneness and equality, where we don't need to save people, because we cannot be saved from anything, because everything that exists here is the consequence of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and exist as.

When and as I see myself wanting to save a person - I stop and I breathe. I realize that what I seek for is in fact being more than life, being important and recognized, so I do not consider life as equality when trying to save people, and I also do not support myself to stand here as breath and live as oneness and equality when trying to get a result through my behavior / words.

I commit myself to understand and consider - when trying to save someone or push him to start the process - that we inevitably must face our consequences of what we have accepted and allowed so there is no need to push someone to walk the process because it is inevitable, and it is our decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself to not have to face the life routine that I have accepted and allowed, without realizing that it is my own consequence thus it is inevitable facing it, and that stopping the routine is just a decision, where isolate is just the easy way out to not have to stop the participation and stand within my friends network, thus:

When and as I see myself trying to evade my own consequences of what I have accepted and allowed within and as my world/reality - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to escape from myself so that I separate from myself as what I have accepted and allowed when trying to suppress my acceptances and allowances when trying to evade the consequences, and within this that the consequences are inevitable, and that I do not support the change, as the consideration of life as equal without facing myself.

I commit myself to stand here as breath within the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed, supporting myself to develop self-direction in simply not allowing myself to be influenced by the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself due to not receiving positive output in my attempt to save people instead of saving and correcting myself, without realizing that here exist no expectation as what is here is here and not in the future, so, it is unnecessary trying to control what will happen in separation from myself, so without understanding that the output is self, as what is best for all, thus, if the input is what is best for all, thus the output will be what is best for all, and the input and output doesn't exist in separation from self, which exists in separation from self is the self interest of using ourselves to aim power, control, importance and fame to being able to have everything, thus there is no consideration as life as oneness and equality, rather inequality as success and power and control.

When and as I see myself expecting positive output from what I speak/do - I stop and I breathe. I realize that what I seek within that expectation is in fact have control and power to rule the earth, thus seeking importance and fame and superiority, where no life is considered as life is oneness and equality.

I commit myself to remain here as breath when expressing myself through words and / or doing physical applications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that is too late to really make a difference in terms of changing/saving people because of having talked about spirituality and how reality works, without considering that the only way to really save the world is saving ourselves as we are responsible for everything that is here, thus we decide to change, no one and nothing can make us decide, and within this, the only way to really know how existence works is knowing ourselves thus every belief about how reality works is not real, is just information and knowledge that cannot be proven if we don't know and understand we we work and exist as the mind, thus

When and as I see myself believing that I can make a difference if I save people - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I justify my real intentions of have power and control over the earth within believing that the difference is saving and changing people, thus I do not support myself in really change and take responsibility for myself as everything that exist here.

I commit myself to support myself to align my expression as what is best for all as life, assessing if what I communicate is in fact a real fact as the living word, and if it really support and assist life as equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret because of believing that if I would not speak about spirituality and how reality works, maybe the people who I spoke would change, without considering that the change itself is a decision and that we are the ones that decide, and within that that the decision doesn't depends on anyone and / or anything rather self, where we must stand up by ourselves and no one can do it for us thus I cannot change or save people, we must decide so.

When and as I see myself believing that if I would not speak about spirituality and how reality works, maybe the people who I spoke would change - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I suppress my real starting point in trying to save people instead of taking responsibility for the personality that activated that kind of attempt to save / change people if I believe that the change resides in what I could do in the past, thus, I do not consider that the change is here as self.

I commit myself to show that the only way to really get know as self about how reality works, is through understanding ourselves as who we are as the mind, forgiving ourselves for everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my friends and what they say about me, to within that way create myself as superior as what others see about me, without considering that I am here breathing thus that shows that there is no need to define myself according to something or someone, rather understanding that I am here and that we are everything that is here.

When and as I see myself defining myself according to what say a person about me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I took it personally in order to see in separation from myself what and who I must be to get to a position of control and superiority, thus where there is no consideration of life as equality.

I commit myself to consider my friends as one and equal to and as myself, living the understanding that we speak who we are, thus remaining here breathing as who I really am as breath not accepting myself to perceive myself to be more or less than who I am as one and equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be important/recognized due to showing the truth of reality, without realizing that in fact the real truth is what is the force that drives me to seek for importance and recognition, obviously self-interest, and within that, it is obvious too the fact of expecting it, in within that expectation, fearing of not having it, so, where is the self-consideration of being here breathing?, I mean, that shows how I am constantly making expectations about my reality instead of living in and as my reality, and the expectation itself is the veil in our eyes to not stop, because if we stop and we do not expect, we would realize that we are here, and within that realization, realizing what we are really doing, BUT, through the expectation we place ourselves in what we want to happen instead of being here realizing what is happening.

When and as I see myself expecting to be important/recognized for showing how this reality function - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I search a position where I can control life and being upon the money system to have what I want, and within this, that I do not consider life equally and myself as the opportunity to really change myself and make a change, rather just taking the easy way to get what I want = abuse life.

I commit myself to bring myself back to breath when I see myself going into an expectation of being important or recognized when speaking or doing something, and instead continue expressing myself breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the future projection of my friends and family members walking their processes to be recognized as the one that make them decide to walk their processes, without considering that walking this self-responsibility process is in fact a decision, and that the decision doesn't depends on anything or anyone rather self, and that obviously this projection is the way to manipulate myself to try to save people or push them to walk their processes, where there is no consideration oh that in order to really decide to walk the process, we must see by ourselves what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/exist as, thus no pushing or saving will make us decide, because it is in fact a point of creating resistance and friction, and what resists, persists, so

When and as I see myself projecting myself into the future, being recognized for making a person deciding to walk the process - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not consider that we must decide by ourselves to walk this process, rather my self interest point of being more than others in order to control them, and that what I really am creating is a resistance by friction within the person, where I do not support life as equality, rather my own self interest.

I commit myself to give support and assistance under and as the consideration of that I am not pushing a person to walk the process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure in trying to save people or push them to decide to start their processes due to seeking people deciding to start their processes to get in a more than them position, obviously without considering that to be more than a person implies inequality, and that deciding this process is in fact deciding equality, so I do not support equality if I try to push them to start the process, and within this, that is obvious the possibility of failure, because failure can only exist if I search for a result instead of being the result as the living example of change as the process, thus:

When and as I see myself fearing to fail in trying to save or push a person to start his process - I stop and I breathe. I realize that my own starting point is trying to seek importance and recognition to influence them and have what I want, and what I really am fearing is in fact not having what I want, and that only can exist if I project myself into the future instead of being here, so:

I commit myself to express myself as the living change as the living word, no matter the context, thus participating in this world normally, so stopping to trying to save or push people, rather standing as a human being that express himself and care the words as self from separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that failure exist due to separating from myself from here as breath through future expectations and projections to get what I want and desire, without considering that I am here in every moment of every breath and that I can see the consequence of my own egomaniac disorder as the money system, where inequality reign this world when only a few have power and control over us, yet, we are not different from them, is just that in order to a superior person to exist, a inferior person must exist, where both inferior and superior are seeking the same, we just accommodate our reality to drive ourselves into constant expectations to not be here and consider ourselves as equals, rather to keep running blindly to have all the power in our hands to satisfy and fulfill our self interest, instead of sharing it as equals.

When and as I see myself believing that failure exists - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I blind my eyes believing that failure can exist to not really see that I am seeking for power and glorification and importance and control to be more than life, to be more than what is here, thus I do not support myself to really live and express myself as equal and one in and as what is here as life.

I commit myself to stop seeking to be god in separation from myself, so assessing my starting point of every word and every action, and just stopping no matter what if I realize that my starting point is control, power, glorification, importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself to not having to face my friends, addictions, and reality, so blaming them for not getting a position of importance and power and control, without realizing that I only escape from what is inevitable, because inevitably I need to enter the matrix and make a stand, thus the real change is changing our starting point, not escaping, because we will face inevitably what is here, as is what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and exist as, thus isolation itself is not wanting to face what we have accepted and allowed: our relationships, our habits, our addictions, our responsibility, and that it cannot remain for ever, the time will inevitably come, and we will have to face our own isolation, so:

When and as I see myself isolating myself - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to escape from myself, the consequences, my responsibility, my habits, my addictions, I mean, what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist as, to just make the illusion in my mind of that everything it is fine, when it is not, so:

I commit myself to stand within and as the matrix, to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist as, and within this standing, not accept and allow myself to participate in what I participated in my past, in terms of my addictions and behavior habits with friends and family members, rather remaining here as breath in every moment, and bringing myself back to breath no matter what.

I commit myself to face every resistance of standing within and as the matrix, as I know that is just my self interest to be fine, instead of taking physical responsibility.

Screwing up my #Relationship with #Spitefulness due to my #Jealousy character

I remember that - within a relationship with a partner - I eventually started to be jealous, I mean, how was that. Well after some time, like 3 months, I realized that she was very 'friendly' with a boy, and, I really feared her to betray me and go with him - so, within this I started to construct a jealousy character, where I would check all her male-friends, comparing myself to them - like, 'oh this is an ass-hole, no danger with this one', and, one day, there was a post in her facebook wall that said something about her under-wear, so I thought 'wtf, only I am able to speak with her about that', and I compared myself with him like 'maybe he is more funny than me', and I asked her to erase him - and she did it. So - within the context of the 'very-friend' of her, I started to compete with him, in terms of, I would try to get in a position of 'I am better than you', just hugging my partner, or kissing her, like 'take this ass-hole'. And I mean, this words can show how nasty I was with her, I mean, I used nastiness to manipulate her, in terms of scaring her to stop her friendships, and I would gossip his friends when talking with her, and sometimes she just, asked me to stop gossiping, that were her friends. So this a dimension of how I destroyed that relationship because of my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control the relationship in terms of watching and limiting my partner's friends because of not trusting in her, and believing and fearing that she could betray me, as the self-interest point of not taking responsibility for my own thoughts about betraying my partner, and where obviously the relationship starting point was from betraying my partner's friend, so I saw myself in her, and within that there was no proof about a betray/infidelity and I mean, within this, I realize the importance of sharing the past about relationships to really get know what is happening with both of us, and to establish a real self-trust in terms of being aware of my past in my relationships and walk it through self-forgiveness to really not allow and accept these kind of issues that may lead the relationship to a breakdown.

When and as I see myself trying to control my partner's friendships - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am responsible for my own jealousy thoughts, and within that the self-interest of 'only I can betray you', so trying to control to have a superior position upon her, where obviously there is no one and equal consideration as myself, rather the creation of a breakdown of the relationship as consequence.

I commit myself to establish self-trust within a relationship, making and walking the agreement of share our past relationships and walk them through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner betraying me, because of trying to control her friendships, and within that, as a mirror of my own betray to start a relationship with her, so, without realizing that there's no equal and one consideration in attempting to control and limit my partner's friendships, as the indication of my own fear of being betrayed, where is my own responsibility to solve it, and evading my own fear is not the solution, because that is just separation and inequality, for trying to control my partner so I could get a position of 'everything will be ok' - unacceptable.

When and as I see myself fearing my partner betraying me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to control the relationship to a point of 'everything will be ok' getting drive by the fear of being betrayed, so there I don't need to face my fear of being betrayed, and within this that is the backdoor to consider the opportunity to betray my partner.

I commit myself to a relationship as agreement with only one partner, and to give fidelity as I would like to receive fidelity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with my partner friends in terms of who is more than me, and who is less than me in order to see what friends my partner would have to delete to remain with me, without realizing that no one is more on less than me, rather equal and one as me, and that all kind of comparison and beliefs about my partner friends were not real, because was the reflection of my own experiences and memories, thus I realize how I created a whole idea about my partner, to an extent where I didn't recognize that if I was believing about her was real, and it wasn't real, was in fact my own reflection, where I didn't even speak about that with her, so I can see how important is sharing our past and our starting points, I mean, everything, because we build certain characters that may affect the relationship like in this case, where my own responsibility within betraying my partner would lead me to create a jealousy character that do not consider the person in fact, rather the reflections of my past in form of beliefs about my partner.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to my partner friends - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I compare myself to see what friend I must watch or ask to be deleted as jealousy character, and where there is no consideration of free expression and equality, rather only the self interest point of having everything under control, where control is in fact manipulation.

I commit myself to make and walk the agreement of not letting ourselves to control our friends, rather walk every point of emotion and feeling regards to jealous in self-forgiveness, within a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the only one that can speak about underwear with my partner, like if my partner were from my property, thus a point of total abuse and control and manipulation, without considering my partner as a human being that is equal and one with me, and within this that it is not about that I am the only one that can speak about underwear with her, rather understanding that all of us use underwear, so it is obviously a point of and as myself as having reaction of talk about underwear as if where a taboo or intimate or something like that, as my own associations to it, so:

When and as I see myself believing that I am the only one that can speak about underwear with my partner - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only point that I am trying to make is control the relationship as control my partner as if where an object of my property thus not considering her as life as equal and one with me.

I commit myself to support myself seeing what reactions I have in seeing my partner interactions with friends, and walking those points in self-forgiveness as the understanding that I am responsible for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask my partner to delete her friends to try to evade the fear of being betrayed, without realizing that that fear was my own creation and that there was no relation with reality within that fear, thus that the only output as consequence that I can create within driving myself through the fear of being betrayed it is beliefs about my partner, beliefs that are not real as my starting point is just fear without a real knowing of her, and without realizing that that fear is in fact fear of losing her as fear of losing a position of control over her, and that reflects my own responsibility of defining myself through the relationship and/or her, thus:

When and as I see myself wanting to ask my partner to delete her friends - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to escape from the fear of being betrayed when asking her to delete her friends, so trying to control the whole relationship and my partner itself in order to make the illusion of 'everything it is ok', when in fact it is not, because the source of my fear are my own memories, thus I cannot escape from the consequence, rather face it

I commit myself to establish an agreement of exposing our fears and walking them through self-forgiveness and seeing how we created it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hug and kiss my partner as the starting point of competition with my partner’s friend to be more than them apparently showing that 'she's mine', without considering that I cannot be more or less than anyone thus it is a point of separation as the competition of who is the best, where obviously it is a self interest point of trying to glorify the ego, when in fact we are one and equal as life as the physical, and within this, the unacceptable point of believing every type of control over my partner, because I have no control over her, and that in fact the attempt to control her it is obviously because fearing to lose her, because she was the vehicle through which I could fulfill my sexual desires and my superiority position – total abuse.

When and as I see myself competing with my partner’s friend/s - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to glorify my ego in terms of get a position of more than my friend, and that I do not consider life as equality in doing so.

I commit myself to give physical affection to my partner as self-expression, thus supporting myself deciding to give physical affect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nasty with my partner to manipulate and scare her to do what I want, without considering her as a human being self-expressing himself, so without realizing that in the attempt of trying to control her to do what I want there's no life consideration, rather only a self interest point of having control over her as if she were an object to manipulate, thus it is unacceptable, I mean:

When and as I see myself being nasty with my parent - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to control and manipulate her to do what I want to not lose her because of using her to fulfill my sexual desires and to have a position of being more than her.

I commit myself to establish a effective communication with my partner, thus walking points related to self-expression, and seeing how we create the way we express, in terms of assessing if it is self movement, or mind drive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip my partner friends when talking with my partner to make her believe that is best erase them or maybe I would break up with her, so as a point of utilizing the fear of losing me to manipulate her decisions, without letting her just express herself and communicate with friends, rather just being driven by my own fear of being betrayed as fear of lose her so not being able to have positive experiences of ‘I have a partner, I am the best’ - besides without considering my own words as gossip, as the obvious fact of my jealousy character.

When and as I see myself gossiping my partner friends when talking with her - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only that I try to do within gossiping her friends is just manipulate her through pushing her buttons to fear to lose me so I can get what I want, I mean, escaping from the possibility of her betraying me, thus there is no equality within that in terms of considering my partner as a individual human being that is alive as me as well, so that is equal to and as me.

I commit myself to develop self-awareness about the words that I speak, considering if I really assist and support life equality in my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of not being allowed by my partner to gossip her friends as a point of being irritated due to not receiving positive feedback about my gossip, where obviously what is best for all is in fact stopping gossiping my partner friends, so there is no consideration of myself as the living word, rather consideration of my own self-interest of trying to manipulate the decisions of my partner so she can delete her friends in order to not lose me, where obviously is unacceptable.

When and as I see myself irritated because of being stopped by a person when gossiping persons - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I use irritation as the AZ trick to make a reaction of fear losing me within my partner to manipulate her, so there is no self-consideration as oneness and equality as life.

I commit myself to support myself to assess how I create gossiping, and what are my words showing to and as myself when communicating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that jealousy is when we love a person, as a justification to not see how we create a jealousy character because of fear losing the person/partner, so, that fear of loss is in fact our attempt to have a secure sex slave, and a person which we can perceive ourselves as the best, thus, without considering that we are in fact one and equal human beings here, and that I cannot lose anything unless that I put a value in separation from myself, I mean, defining myself through my partner, where there is no self-consideration, rather the self-interest point of separate myself from myself as life as the only value to get a position of the best for someone, love, where the person would actually fear to lose me so she would be kind with me to not create any anger reaction, and I mean this point is totally abusive, enslaving ourselves deliberately to get what we want.

When and as I see myself being jealous with my partner – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to control her and to be nasty with her to abuse her and have her as a sex slave, and to have a position of being the best for her, and within hat, making she doing what I want through manipulating through fear of lose me.

I commit myself to bring myself back to here as breath every time when I see myself having nasty thoughts about my partner because of being jealous, and to communicate immediately as it is a harmful character.

I commit myself to show that jealousy in fact starts by our own responsibility in relationship betray, and that is not love at all, rather our mental show to suppress our fear of being betrayed, and that the only way to stop that fear, is assessing and writing how we created it, and walking it through self-forgiveness.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

#Beauty - #Fly away - you can #Escape from #Ugly ones and don't #Face your #Fear

imageI was in a dark-room with a girl, and we started to have sexual interactions - I say sexual interaction because was like having sex with clothes, and moment of masturbation too - and suddenly the girl was fat, and I saw the image of a giant-fat woman with sweated body just getting close to me, and I judged her like 'yikes, I will not have sex with you, how nasty' - and I stood up, my reaction to that was made by the belief and fear of that a fat woman is smelly, and well, I was there and I felt sadness because of believing that she would be sad for my behavior, and I just went back to her and I laid down, hugging her, because of the thought 'well, I will make her believe that everything it's ok', obviously the fear is to be a bad person, because of the belief that if I left a woman is being a bad person. And within that situation, I started to caress her stomach, and I offer her to go to other place - in that moment I saw an image of a mall-shop, and I flied out of the window to go there, and then I went back and I tried to teleport myself and her to that place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of a fat women with sweated body, and associated it with a negative charge as something disgusting, through a self-interest point of searching the 'perfect' woman as the TV shows, as they are programmed in my mind as images, so, without realizing that fat or thing woman is a woman, and that I am judging life if I judge a women, because there is no equality in that, rather disregard of the physical as one and equal, so

When and as I see myself in and as the image of a fat woman with sweated body - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am judging the physical expression of a woman when getting driven by that image.

I commit myself to stop and take responsibility for what I associated as perfection as beauty, bringing myself here in and as breath when seeing myself judging as beauty/ugly, nice/disgusting, and applying self-forgiveness in and as the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'yikes, I will not have sex with you, how nasty', without considering and/or understanding that sex isn't an image, rather physical expression, thus that shows my desire of just wanting to have sex with 'perfect' woman with 'perfect' bodies, point where obviously there is no consideration as the physical as self as one and equal, rather only an image to satisfy and fulfill picture-based desires instead of enjoying physically the sex as physical expression.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'yikes, I will not have sex with you, how nasty' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I judge the women because of my own programmed women perfection thus there's no physical consideration as oneness and equality when evading physical interaction because of judging the person because of her weight.

I commit myself to deconstruct all that I believe and perceive as perfect, thus bringing myself back here in and as breath and applying self-forgiveness for my judgments, either good or bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and fear that a fat person is smelly, without realizing that that belief is just a justification to the desire of a perfect woman, besides, the smell is physical, so that indicates that we create our own ideas/perceptions about what we smell, and that if we remove those judgments, we can be here as breath, knowing all kind of physical smells

When and as I see myself believing that a fat person is smelly - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no reality in that belief, because is not here, thus I do not support myself to be here as breath as the physical when projecting myself in how will be the smell of a person.

I commit myself to stop all my ideas and perceptions about all kind of smells, through checking how I react to that, and taking responsibility for my reaction through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'ok I will make her believe that everything it's ok', without considering or realizing my self-interest point of seeking to be seen as a good person, and that obviously the search implies the support for the illusion of happiness, thus there's no support as life as oneness and equality in that, so:

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'ok I will make her/him believe that everything it's ok' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I deceive myself in believing that everything will be ok because of making someone believe that everything it's ok, and that in fact that means to support the consequence of the abuse instead of realizing and taking responsibility of how I created those thoughts as the search of superiority.

I commit myself to stop trying to making believe others that everything it's ok, remaining here in and as breath when I see myself thinking in doing it, showing myself that things are not ok if I try to suppress my own self-dishonesty through the happiness of being a good person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hug a fat women because of feeling sadness because of believing that a women will be sad if I get away from her because of being fat, without realizing that the sadness will not change my own judgments and self-interest about having sex with perfect woman, thus it is obviously a point of searching to be good and not see what started the whole reaction, so, obviously there is no physical consideration as oneness and equality in acting/hugging her behind the self-interest point of being a good person to really not take responsibility and to be ego-glorified for my own judgments and perceptions about perfect/imperfect.

When and as I see myself hugging a woman behind sadness - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I try to reach a 'good person' position when hugging a woman behind sadness to suppress the sadness with happiness, thus I do not support myself really see how I created that sadness if I suppress it through creating happiness.

I commit myself to stop my sadness applying self-forgiveness in and as the moment, and to realize and take responsibility of how I create the sadness.

I commit myself to show that sadness will never solve anything, and that we use the sadness as a tool to get in our good person position, where we are not considering life as equals, rather our own self-interest of being ego-glorified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that I am a bad person if I left a woman for being fat, without realizing that being a bad person is the excuse and justification to not change, because in fact he point isn't being a bad or good person, that is just more self-interest of go from being a bad person to being a good person through self-interest thoughts and behaviors, then in fact the point is judging a women for her weight for seeking the 'perfect' woman as TV shows, where obviously we limit the physical consideration as oneness and equality, to only an image, thus:

When and as I see myself fearing and believing that I am a bad person if a left a woman for being fat - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not solve and change my own judgments and beliefs when judging myself as a bad person; besides, I do not take responsibility for what really I accepted and allowed to judge a fat women as disgusting.

I commit myself to stop diminishing myself to get in a good person position, standing up in and as oneness and equality and aligning all of me into and as what is best for all as life as one as equal.

And within that situation, I started to caress her stomach, and I offer her to go to other place - in that moment I saw an image of a mall-shop, and I flied out of the window to go there, and then I went back and I tried to teleport myself and her to that place.
Obviously that symbolism represent myself trying to escape from that situation and trying to make the good image hiding my two fears behind the 'idea' of going to somewhere else - obviously a public place.
Well, the teleportation didn't work.
So, physical considerations: I cannot escape from consequences, I cannot fly, I can face the consequences breathing and walking every reaction and every thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to offer to go to other place to a woman to evade physical contact with the woman and covering up the evasion with that offer to make her believe 'oh we will go to another place - how cool', without considering in self-honesty my own self-interest of wanting to have sex with a 'perfect' woman, and within that I realize how I was trying to make a good person position over my own judgments about beauty, so

When and as I see myself trying to get a good person position within escaping from my fears - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I deceive myself when trying to cover up my own self-dishonesty with a good person position, and that that position will not change my change my own judgments.

I commit myself to communicate with my partner if I see self-resistance to physical contact points with my partner, walking the point through self-forgiveness and facing my resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of myself in a shopping, without realizing that that image was just supporting my own self-interest as trying to escape from my resistance to have sex, going to a public place, so there is no responsibility as really see how I created that resistance, and that the obvious self-interest point to not do that, is resisting my own change in terms of stopping desiring a 'perfect' woman, so

When and as I see myself in and as the image of myself in a shopping when wanting to go to a public place with a woman to evade having intimate physical contact with her - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not take responsibility of and as myself as my beliefs and judgments about beauty when supporting my self-interest of wanting to escape from my own judgments about a woman - unacceptable.

I commit myself to stop supporting my self-interest through my thoughts, remaining here breathing and self-honest, to asses every thought in consideration of if is self-interest or not, self-forgiving the thoughts in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fly to escape from my resistances and fears, without understanding that those resistances and fears are the guide to sort myself out and to correct myself to and as what is best for all life.

When and as I see myself wanting to fly - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is no physicality in flying, because I cannot fly, and that I do not supporting myself to face myself when trying to escape through fly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to teleport myself with my partner to a public place, without realizing that there is no physicality in teleportation, and that is merely mental attempt to find an easy way out instead of facing the point of sex/intimacy resistance, so

When and as I see myself wanting to teleport to evade a certain situation/event - I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is impossible to teleport because is not physical, and that I cannot hide or escape from myself, so in wanting to teleport as evasion attempt I do not support myself to take responsibility for my fears and beliefs, that are not real, so that means that I try to escape from the illusion that I have created.

I commit myself to stop all my non-physically desires, aligning myself in and as the physical, so stopping all that is not physical, I mean, stopping the illusion.

#Attention - #Breath in #Physical contact with a #Woman instead of #Sex #Beliefs

clip_image002So, I was in a pool, with a girl, and then I got out of the pool and started to talk with a girl, and I offered her to enter the pool, so we did it, and, I started to play with her, and in a moment we hug ourselves, and then she asks me - pointing to my penis - is everything ok?, and I saw an image of my penis erected, and I thought 'shit I have my penis erected' and I feared her to notice that because of believing that if a women notice my penis erected would get pissed off or simply get away from me - and I just, lol I had the reaction and she embraced myself very tight, and I derived pleasure from my fear - like the fear producing the mental desire to have sex, like 'I need to test it', and well, I was seeing sex and erection as something horrific / incorrect, and then I feared her having sexual interaction without me taking the initiative, so there's an association of superiority within that, like, 'the man needs to take the initiative - the man is superior', so I feared to being in that position of being initiated by a women, and at the same time that produced me pleasure - clearly is self-separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my attention in my thinking-possession because of fearing a woman getting pissed off because of noticing my erection instead of being here in and as breath as the moment as physical attention, without realizing that women is aware of how the male-body functions, so the erection is a point of sexual empathy within an agreement of expressing ourselves sexually.

When and as I see myself diverting my attention to a girl when having an erection in a physical contact - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I suppress myself as the physical here when placing my attention separated from me because of fear, so:

I commit myself to remain here as breath, putting my attention on myself, as myself in every moment of every breath, and placing it in the physical as physical contact with a woman within a partner agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the image of my penis erected without seeing it physical, without realizing that there is no point in getting drive by an image because I can check really and physically if my penis is erected.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of my penis erected - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't support myself in being here in and as the physical when getting drive by an image instead of physically checking my penis.

I commit myself to establish physical sexual-awareness within my erection, putting my attention in how it physically feels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'shit I have my penis erected', without realizing that that backchat is in fact a self-interest point of trying to evade making beliefs on the women about me, as perverted, and within this, without realizing that having a penis erection is not being perverted, rather a physical reaction to a physical contact as an agreement with a partner to express ourselves sexually.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'shit I have my penis erected' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't consider myself as physical human body when believing an erection as perversion, perversion that only can exist in my mind as beliefs, so:

I commit myself to push myself to express myself sexually with a partner agreement if I see a physical empathy in and as a moment of physical contact with the partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a women noticing my penis-erection as trying to evade contact to not lose her due to having an erection, without realizing that there's no self-consideration as the physical when we suppress ourselves because of fearing to lose a woman for making her being pissed of at my erection and rejecting myself because of having an erection, and within that, without realizing that it doesn’t make sense a woman rejecting me because of having an erection, because the erection is a physical reaction to contact that I can establish as an agreement with a partner so, there's no point in trying to go against the physical, rather checking if there's some mental reaction that produced the erection, so:

When and as I see myself trying to evade contact because of fearing a woman noticing my penis-erection - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I suppress myself as physical expression when evading contact to not lose a woman.

I commit myself to be aware through breath how it feels the physical-sexual-contact with a partner within an agreement of expressing ourselves sexually.

So, I realize how we fuel our self-interest searching through our fear, as the self-interest is always searching something in separation from ourselves to generate a positive experience within ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of a woman noticing my erection to derivate pleasure as a point of showing her my erection as the desire to have sex, without considering myself as physical expression as contact-empathy, rather as a positive experience as the opposite and suppression of the fear of her noticing my erection, where obviously there's no consideration of sex and physical contact as oneness and equality, rather the women as an object to fulfill my own self-interest based desires.

When and as I see myself deriving pleasure with a woman as suppressing my fear of she noticing my penis-erection - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not consider the physical contact as physical empathy and expression when using it as a vehicle to fulfill my fear based desires.

I commit myself to step-out to a person that is not my partner if a notice myself having an erection, and slow myself down through breath and physical awareness of my erection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the erection as something incorrect/horrific, without realizing that an erection is a physical expression and response to a physical stimulus, so:

When and as I see myself judging my penis for being erected - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I judge myself as life as the physical if I judge my penis, thus I judge the physical itself as oneness and equality when judging myself because of having an erection.

I commit myself to develop self-physical and self-direction within my sexual expression, assessing how my erection/excitation was triggered, if was by physical contact with a partner, or by thoughts/images.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having sexual interaction without taking the initiative, because of believing that I am in a inferior position if I do not take the initiative, without realizing that we are one and equal as life as the physical, so, taking the initiative isn't being superior/inferior, rather expressing physical empathy and affection in and as the moment with a partner, and that there's obviously a attempt to control woman with being dominant, which shows and indicates the fear of man of being inferior to the woman, so:

When and as I see myself fearing to have sexual interaction without taking the initiative - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I disregard myself as one and equal when judging myself as inferior for not taking the initiative and that there's no difference between woman and man, because we are the same, the physical, life.

I commit myself to enjoy the physical-sexual-contact with my partner, being here breathing and aware of every physical action and feeling, and to know each other through self-initiative as self-sexual-develop in terms of see different forms to enjoy sex with the partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the man has to take the initiative with a women because is superior/dominant, without realizing that there's no equality in believing the man as superior/dominant, as life is equal and one as who we are as the substance, the physical, so this shows the self-interest point of seeking to control the woman, where's no consideration as oneness and equality as free self-expression.

When and as I see myself believing that a man has to take the initiative because is superior/dominant - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I disregard life as oneness and equality as the physical when judging the woman as inferior, and I realize that I not consider myself as

I commit myself to make a sexual agreement within a partnership agreement with the consideration of self-initiative, so we both can have initiative to express ourselves sexually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pleasure within believing myself to be inferior for not taking the initiative, as a sexual-slave, without realizing that that there's no consideration of oneness and equality in separating from myself through an energetic experience of pleasure and based on a self-judgment as a sexual-slave as inferior, where obviously there's no consideration of ourselves as the physical, rather as slave/master, where obviously there's the self-interest point of pleasing a women to make her happy and not lose her, and that not lose her is a point of in fact not lose the sex opportunities with her, which shows the in fact use of the woman as sexual servant, where's no consideration of practical living in and as a relationship, where sex can exist as part of the agreement, yet, isn't the primary point as supporting and living with partners as ourselves.

When and as I see myself believing myself as sex-slave and a woman as sex-servant - I stop and I breathe. I realize that is an abuse to myself diminishing myself to get into a self-interest position of being sexual-slave of a woman, and within that the hide intention as using woman as sexual-servant, and within this point, there's no consideration at all of myself and my partner as one and equal as life as the physical.

So, I commit myself to serve our physical enjoyment through establishing communication of how we can better our sexual expression within a partnership agreement.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

The #Illusion of #Perfect #Animals - #Adrenaline and #Delusion of Garden of #Eden

I was going to the supermarket to buy some chocolate, and when I was walking, I saw a dog with a wire in his neck, and I stopped, and started to call him to see what could I do with his wire - and the dog started barking and grunting at me, and he got close to me, and in that moment I saw the image of a dog in front of my face showing me his teeth, and I just thought 'fuck, this dog is going to bite me', and I just stood there, and seeing the dog close to me, I just imagined the dog biting my leg, and I started to breathe, saying to me 'breathe, breathe', and I was petrified, I really feared the dog biting me, and there I was, just breathing, feeling the adrenaline through my body - and then I started to walk, when I saw that the dog was sufficiently away from me, and we had a second encounter, and the same pattern, I just needed to stop, stood there, breathing, and looking at him, and I started to walk again - and I realize that I was like paranoid, like expecting the worst of everything, and feeling the energy through my body, the like my entire body just vibrating because of fear, adrenaline. So I realize how I was believing that the animals are perfect, like believing that they will not harm myself as wanting to create deliberately an image of them as like in the garden of Eden, so that really shows the fear of the opposite, fear of accepting that the animals aren't perfect, and how is that? - obviously, we are abusing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with sadness when seeing the dog with a wire through his neck, without realizing that sadness isn't gonna change anything, and that sadness is the actually the abuse to myself as the physical, making an energetic experience instead of considering what is happening there, and how it doesn't make sense to create that experience of sadness and to drive myself trying to be a good person because of that sadness, I mean that is actually an abuse point.

When and as I see myself reacting with sadness for seeing physical proofs of abuse - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not supporting myself to see the fact of the abuse within the consideration of that we are abusing when making a negative experience of sadness, because there's no practical consideration of how that abuse exists, and how I am allowing and accepting that abuse, so:

I commit myself to stop all sadness when realizing abusive points, remaining here as breath, and considering how I am related to that abuse, and what I was accepting and allowing related to that abuse, and taking responsibility for it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to help him taking off the wire because of thinking, believing and imagining that the dog was abused and that the wire in his neck indicated the abuse, without realizing that if the dog was abused, it's obvious to consider that he may have aggressive behavior, as ourselves having aggressive behavior because of fearing pain, and that taking off the wire of his neck wasn't going to solve the abuse, so it's irrelevant to really band-aid the problem, because we are the problem, we are the ones that are abusing, so we are the ones that must stop to change and consider what is best for all, thus good intentions to him are not gonna change anything, I mean, he can clearly approach me as the physical proof that he doesn't fear me, and that obviously if he's not approaching to me it's because he was abused, so isn't necessary to believe that he was abused, it is necessary to understand that we are abusing the physical through every thought, emotion, feeling, and imagination, and that the abuse that exist is because we have fear, so taking off his wire is just a band-aid of self-interest to get in the position of 'oh I am a good person', and obviously isn't true, the real change is through self-forgiveness, if a dog is not allowing myself to assist him, that's all that I need to see physically - trying to push my 'good person' wants is just abusing myself, within the understanding that the animals are being abused, so if we abuse, we will be abused - time to step down from the cloud.

When and as I see myself trying to help an animal trying to make the good action of the day - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not considering their own expression when trying to push a sad-fuel-based solution as trying to be a good person, and within that I am not considering that I am in fact responsible for the abuse so the real way how I can help is helping myself as everything that's here as what is best for all, stopping all the abuse through the mind.

I commit myself to check all my reactions and to consider the animals decision and expression toward myself when trying to help them, and to understand in every moment of every breath as myself that wanting to help them through forcing them to allow themselves to be helped by me, trying to be a good person, is not gonna solve the problem, rather taking responsibility for what I am allowing and accepting as life abuse, and correcting and deciding a practical solution to stop the abuse as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust thinking-possessions, without realizing that trusting in my thinking-possessions without considering what is best for all in every moment of every breath implies allowing and accepting the abuse, so till here no further.

When and as I see myself possessed by a thought - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am allowing and accepting the reaction to exist through getting possessed by my thoughts, and that obviously that possession indicates a fear.

I commit myself get myself back to breath in every possession, or reaction, and I commit myself to stay here as breath in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I was trying to go from sadness to happiness, like trying to suppress the sadness with me wanting to help as wanting to create a positive experience of happiness instead of seeing how I was creating that sadness and how that sadness isn't gonna change the abuse that we are accepting and allowing, and that happiness neither, that is only a band-aid to not take responsibility for what is going on with animals in this world, so:

When and as I see myself seeking a happiness experience from sadness - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not solving or correcting sadness when seeking it's opposite, rather I am suppressing sadness through happiness, so that means to trying to escape from the real responsibility as how I allowed and accepted that abuse.

I commit myself to stop seeking happiness, and to take responsibility and stop all sadness points, as the living realization that sadness is gonna solve anything, and that happiness is just the self-interest suppression to sadness to make the illusion of 'everything it's ok', when it is not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of a dog in front of my face showing her teeth like disposing to bite me, without considering that a dog in front of me disposing to bite me implies clearly a physical abuse and shows my fear to be bitten by a dog, because of the believing of that dogs are aggressive, so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fearing being bitten by a dog, without considering that we allow the abuse if we fear a dog biting us, because obviously that implies that a dog must suffer to have an aggressive behavior, and that's unacceptable - and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the dogs are aggressive, without realizing that in fact the dog itself isn't aggressive, yet, our own abuse make them to have aggressive behaviors, because obviously, an abused dog cannot trust ourselves, because our thoughts and imagination are pure evil, and we believe ourselves to be our thoughts, when we are not, so:

When and as I see myself in and as the image of an animal in front of my face disposing to bite me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I abuse the physical if I get drive by an image of abuse as the allowance to the image to drive myself into a fear character, so:

I commit myself to stop all physically abusive images, through remaining here in and as breath and taking responsibility for all images through self-forgiveness, as the decision of till here no further and the living understanding of that images are not here thus are not real.

I commit myself to show that every image that implies abuse is abuse itself, and we abuse ourselves and others through every image, through every thought through every feeling, because the key is what implies the image, the imagination, the thought, the feelings and emotions, it implies self-interest, implies self-separation, where we just seek for experiences of the mind instead of being here as the living understand of that life is the only and real value, so live is stand within and as oneness and equality as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the garden of Eden existed and that in those times there were peace between animals and human beings, without realizing in self-honesty what is here, because peace cannot exist between animals and us because we abuse them, and we abuse ourselves as life, so it's not a point of that was it before, now is different, no, not at all, rather we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be our mind, and the very proof is this belief, I know that I was born in this world, this physical world, and that I had not ever seen peace, just apparently love, because I can see how I live, and I cannot see a point of real peace as physical consideration of oneness and equality as life, and that obviously the belief of peace before, in the Eden, implies that apparently that was before and that now there's nothing to do as a real mind fuck to not take responsibility for what is here, without realizing that we are the ones that are accepting and allowing this world as it is, so we are creating through our acceptance and allowance, so peace can only exist within and as oneness and equality as life, and that the point of peace also implies that we believe ourselves to be inferior to the animals, in terms of believing them to be aggressive, and from that seeking the superior position through abusing them so we are trying to be god abusing life, because of believing ourselves to be less than life, and believing that life is apparently being with god in heaven, without realizing that we are here on earth, and that here is life, so because of that fear we seek being more than life, we seek the superior position as god, as power, as control, without considering who we are in every moment of every breath, life - life isn't a belief, life is physical and real, and does not need a belief to exist.

When and as I see myself believing myself to be inferior to the animals - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not understanding the value of and as life as oneness and equality through that belief, and that everything that's here is the same, LIFE.

When and as I see myself seeking a superiority position over and animal - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am abusing life that includes myself when seeking a position of superiority, and that there's no equality and oneness consideration within that search, so no consideration of who we really are as LIFE.

I commit myself to stop believing myself to be inferior to anything that's here, through standing up as oneness and equality, giving up to all my self-interest, and giving to all my beliefs and fears, thus I commit myself to stop all my superior seeking, committing my life to LIFE, stopping all abuse, changing and correcting myself into and as what is best for all life equally as one, living this decision as myself in every moment of every breath.

I commit myself to show that we are the ones that are abusing, no one else, that we are accepting and allowing this world as it is, and that the decision of oneness and equality is inevitable, because we know that this must stop, that we are driving ourselves to nowhere, only seeking the best position in this world and over others, abusing all in our steps, and that we believe ourselves to be inferior to life, but we are not, so that self-interest must be stopped, because is our self-deception, we are not less than life, we cannot be more than life, we are life, and we have separated ourselves from who we really are through our own abuse, and we don't want to accept it, we don't want to see what is happening HERE, so it's time to change, nothing will change, if we don't change.

I commit myself to stop defining myself as my beliefs, living in and as every breath as life as the realization that I am here, and that life isn't a belief, that the belief is the illusion, so taking responsibility and taking all my beliefs about myself and about life, grounding myself here as life as the physical, as the decision to stop trying to hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the dog was about to bite me because of barking and grunting, without realizing that he in fact was showing myself the abuse that we are accepting and allowing, and that they cannot trust on us, so, obviously I see that was my own responsibility for trying to assist him, without realizing that the assistance that I can make is to stop the abuse, and the realization of that we are living the consequences of our abuse so there's nothing ok, we must consider that we are abusing animals, so them are not trusting on us, so:

When and as I see myself trying to approach a animal in every way as following the belief that everything is perfect - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not taking responsibility for my own abuse when trying to make believe myself that everything it's ok with animals, and that obviously that is not real, and the consequence of that it's petrification, as the petrification as realizing that the belief of that everything it's ok isn't real at all.

I commit myself to stop following the belief that everything it's ok with animals, living as the realization of that we have and are abusing them, thus I cannot expect a pacific behavior from them, instead of expecting, I take responsibility for my own abuse toward them and change to honor LIFE stopping all the abuse and fears through self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, and self -commitment.

I commit myself to show that is inevitable to take responsibility, and that taking responsibility means giving up to everything, stop everything, and stand up as what is best for all as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the dog biting my leg because of believing that we was gonna bite me because of barking and grunting, without realizing that imagining he biting me implies the allowance and acceptance of him to bite me, and that obviously is abuse to the physical, so:

When and as I see myself imagining an animal biting my leg - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am accepting and allowing the physical abuse through imagining physical abuse, thus it's unacceptable, because that implies to accept and allow the physical abuse to exist, so:

I commit myself to stop all the physical abuse imagination, living in every moment of every breath the realization of that what is here is real, and the consideration of what am I accepting and allowing within every thought, image, imagination, feeling, and emotion.

I commit myself to show that we must ask ourselves what we are accepting and allowing to exist through our thoughts, feeling, emotions, and imagination, and that the answer is simple and we know the answer, we are accepting and allowing abuse, and we fear that abuse, and we abuse to not get abused, yet, we don't realize that we are abusing ourselves and allowing to be abused, so if we abuse, we will be abused, thus, the abuse can only stop if WE stop allowing and accepting the abuse, and the only way to stop our acceptance and allowance, is through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application as physical movement and direction, so, if we don't change, if we don't stop, nothing will change, and nothing will stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get petrified and experiencing adrenaline because of fearing a dog biting me, without realizing that the consequence was a whole energetic charge, and that implies to take that energy from my own body as the physical, so I realize that the consequence of following my belief blindly is in fact abuse to the physical, and that is unacceptable abusing the physical through fear, and that I saw the consequence as tiredness and physical-body vibration.

When and as I see myself fearing a animal biting me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not supporting myself as the physical when fearing and animal biting, and that that fear implies the acceptance and allowance of the animal to bite me, so:

I commit myself to stop fearing the animals and believing them as aggressive beings, stopping trusting in my thoughts possessions, and taking responsibility for every thought as myself, living the realization of that I cannot trust in my mind possessions, because always implies fear and beliefs.

So I understand, we are abusing animals, we are responsible for the consequence, and faith will not change the consequence, rather stopping ourselves, and if that doesn't happen, the abuse won't stop, so, time to get out of the cloud, this world isn't perfect, because there's no oneness and equality, and it's our responsibility, only we can change the world, changing ourselves, stopping and giving up all our fears and self-interest.

I realize, there was no peace, because within peace the abuse cannot exist, and within peace separation doesn't exist, and we are separated, so that implies that there's no peace, that peace cannot exist by magic, we have to create it, through equalizing ourselves to and as oneness and equality, and considering what is best for all life in every moment of every breath.

The #Difference between #Fixing the #Toilet and the #Anger for not having done so

Context: the toilette chain broke, and I just didn't consider to fix it - point to consider: applying practical solutions.

Ok so, I was sitting in front of my computer, and my brother entered to the bathroom, and he started to ask 'why the bathroom is at this way' - and I didn't remember the toilette chain point, so I didn't speak because he started to get possessed, and I just thought 'I don't want to hear him speaking shit', so he came to me and asked: 'why you did that to the toilette's chain?' - and I thought 'it wasn't me' and said to him 'was that way, I had to pull it manually' - and he said 'so why you didn't fix it?' and there I got irritated, obviously was a point of fearing to face the consequences for what I didn't do - so I said to him 'did you check it?' - and he started to talk to me, ex: 'you talk too much shit' - and I started to take it personally because I was irritated, and I just stopped, and started to breathe, because I realized that I was irritated, so I just kept quiet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider practical solutions to every physical failure situation instead of checking the failure and just  believing that there's nothing to do.

When and as I see myself seeing/realizing a physical failure of a practical instrument - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to apply practical common sense as the physical when seeing/realizing a physical problem, when I am really able to see/realize how can I fix the problem physically.

I commit myself to consider and apply practical solutions for every problem that I can see/realize in and as the moment, within this, to show that the best way, in order o fix a problem, is always consider physical/practical solutions instead of seeing the problem as unchangeable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I don't want to hear him speaking shit about myself' as an excuse to not communicate, without realizing that we speak words, and words are words, so the only way to take them personally is through our fears, so, I realize that hear that what we don't want to hear - apparently - as resistance, indicates a point of self-belief as ego so fear, and it can be walk through self-forgiveness, self-corrective statement, and self-commitment to really stop taking personally the words that others speak.

When and as I see myself reacting to what a person says - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't support me if I react to words instead of checking how I react to that word, or what implies that word to me, or what association I have with the word, so I can use my own reactions as a tool to support myself to walk myself through my memories, thus checking to what I am reacting.

I commit myself to stop every reaction to the words that someone speak, staying in and as breath and walking every reaction as a resistance to my fears and self-beliefs, and within this, to show that we can only take personally that what we fear about/of ourselves, so that which bother us from others, is in fact what we don't want to see within and as ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'it wasn't me', without realizing that whether I am responsible or not, I am able to consider a practical solution in and as the moment, and that it is clearly a point to take responsibility, besides, the 'wasn't me' is just an excuse to not see that we saw/realized the problem/point to fix, so obviously there's no excuse, responsibility is the key.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'it wasn't me' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no direction and self-responsibility in trying to evade the consequence of not making a practical solution in  and as the moment, and that clearly the excuse isn't a solution either, rather self-direction and responsibility are the solution.

I commit myself to direct myself in and as communication as physical recognition when I see a point of lack of responsibility or practical solution, and to direct myself to consider and see and realize a practical solution for the lack, within this, to show that every point or event or situation that we live is our responsibility because we are everything that's here, so if we do not consider practical solutions for what is here, is simple, we are responsible for the consequences, I mean, no one else can be responsible for that, we create this world from the choices we made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the consequences for what I didn't do, without realizing that the consequences are inevitable thus there's no point in fearing consequences, so that shows how we fear the inevitable, and we try to run, but it's impossible, we cannot run away from ourselves, we are the consequence, we are the inevitability, so taking responsibility is inevitable, and the point is that we are here breathing so, we can a must take responsibility for ourselves, because fearing the responsibility is the back-door to guilt and self-blame, because we believe that we somehow did something wrong as negative as incorrect within morality, so we start to feel regret for that, instead of just taking responsibility and self-forgive ourselves.

When and as I see myself fear facing consequences for what I did and didn't do - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not support myself to take responsibility for and as myself in fearing to face the consequences, and that the only drive of fear is just regret and self-blame, so if I fear the consequences, nothing will change, the consequence is inevitable, so the fear doesn't support to really face the consequence.

I commit myself to stop the fear of facing consequences, staying here in and as breath in the moment of seeing/realizing or living/experiencing a consequence for what I did/didn't do, and within this, to show that the consequences for what we did or didn't do are inevitable, because everything that we do/think/say have a consequence, so is useless to fear consequences, because the fear drive us to blame and guilt, so we must take responsibility, I mean, it is inevitable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of my brother asking me 'why I didn't fix the chain' as a point of realizing that I could fix the chain so as trying to evade responsibility, without considering that I can support myself in those points of resistance/irritation to see how I in fact know when I was dishonest with and as myself, without considering what is here, rather the illusion of the mind as 'the chain cannot be fixed' as an excuse to not direct myself in and as the moment so:

When and as I see myself irritated because of a person indicating me a point where I didn't take physical action as practical solution - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not support myself in taking the comments and/or words that someone speak personally, rather I can see how that point shows me how I can change and start to consider practical solutions so:

I commit myself to stop getting irritated because of a person indicating me practical solutions, listening what the person can show to me, independent of how he/she does, and grasping what can I see as practical solutions, and within this, to show that those point that others indicate us, are a point of self-support to really see how we can change our mind beliefs of 'this can't change' with practical solutions, so if the person is just getting possessed we can see what is the person saying, breathing here, and being aware of what we take personally or not as support points - understand, all that we resist, is our guide to change ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally the phrase 'you talk so much shit' because of believing myself to be shit because of understanding that my words are myself, without realizing that those definitions we give to others reflect our own self-beliefs so, firstly, we are one and equal as life, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word shit with a negative charge in separation from myself as the word, realizing that the word shit is physical as life, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word shit with the word stupid and the word stupid with a negative charge in separation from myself as the word, and we really cannot be less or more within and as oneness and equality as life, so if we judge others as stupid we are just reflecting our own belief of stupidity, and we must understand, no one is stupid, that is just our own judgment because of fearing to take responsibility for our fears and self-beliefs.

When and as I see myself taking personally what other person say to me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm judging myself if I take personally what other person say, and that that show me where I am judging myself, what fear I have about myself, and what self-belief about myself I am believing, so:

I commit myself to stop taking it personally what other person says to me, changing the reaction to a practical consideration as a support point to see where I have placed my self-beliefs and fears, so within this, to show that that which we take personally is the indication of what we believe or judge about ourselves, and that if we judge or blame others, we are in fact reflecting our self-judgment and self-blame as the consequence of our fears and self-beliefs that we don't want to see and/or face.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Do you love your Grandma? - The Anger with Grandparents


I was in the kitchen making my bread, and a man came to fix the outside-floor, and he asked to me to plug-in his hacksaw, and I connected, and later I disconnected it and I left the door open.

In that moment I had the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk - I made a negative association with her tonality -, and the backchat 'she's gonna close the door and start to judge', and I feared her to close the door and starting to judge - and she did that, and I got irritated because of not wanting her judging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk, without realizing that that image implies self-manipulation to get to a reaction, so without realizing that is useless trying to control what will happen because the consequence is clearly a fear reaction to the image, so it's useless producing reactions an emotions instead of being here breathing and living moment by moment.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk - I stop and I breathe. I realize that driving myself to and as an image is not supporting myself to be here in and as breath, because trying to guess what another person will do is clearly just a memory pattern-belief that doesn't allow the change, so I realize that in driving myself to and as an image I'm not in fact giving the opportunity to the change, so in order to make a change, inevitably I have to change.

I commit myself to stop my participation in trying to mentally-dictate through images what another person will do as trying to control the future and environment, and to show that we are not allowing the change because of constantly activating images of what will happen, and that those images are just memories from the past that activates in the mind again so then we make sure that there's no CHANGE here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others tonalities as annoying, and the word annoying with a negative charge, in separation from myself, without realizing that everyone's tonality is everyone's own expression so there's no point of oneness and equality in judging other's tonalities because everyone of us have our own tonality as self-expression, so obviously is a point of comparison with my own tonality as a separation point of believing my tonality as more than others tonalities, and that's completely unacceptable because there's no inferior/superior tonality, is tonality as self-expression as one as equal as life as physical sound.

When and as I see myself judging others tonalities as annoying - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no consideration of myself as one and equal to and as everyone in judging others for their tonalities, and that I don't really support myself if I'm judging them instead of hearing them, so it's really creating reactions for their voices, so there's no point in defining themselves for their tonalities, the same way that there's no consideration of self as one and equal in comparing my tonality with others tonalities, as a point of seeking for superiority, because there's no superiority/inferiority, rather oneness and equality as Life, thus we are here expressing ourselves with our tonality as self-expression as Life.

I commit myself to stop judging others tonalities, so stopping judging my tonality as superior, and to show that if we judge other's as inferiors implies that we are believing ourselves to be superior, so there's no equality in believing ourselves as more than another, because in fact we are all HERE as Life breathing, so we are one and equal as who we are as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that my grandma would close the door and start judging, without considering that we are not giving freedom of self-expression to others if we try to control what they do, because the only point in trying to do that is just creating an experience and getting drive by that experience to show others what they don't have to do as a point of manipulation to fulfill the search of control as controlling others to get in-line with our mind-reality of what is right and what is wrong = morality, so this search of control implies not being here breathing considering that living is in fact being here in and as every moment of every breath, where there's no need to control anyone, even self, rather direct ourselves as the physical as oneness and equality as Life.

When and as I see myself fearing and believing that my grandma will close the door and start judging - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to be here in fearing someone to do what I believed, so it is really a point of judging others expression instead of expressing myself in every moment, considering myself as one and equal as every single human being, the same way that I can assist myself in seeing myself in others so realizing that when a person judges another person I can see how we judge ourselves and that it is about ourselves, no others, because ourselves are the ones that are not here self-expressing.

I commit myself to stop believing and fearing what others will do, and to be here as breath in and as every moment giving assistance and support to others as myself, and within that showing that we fear ourselves when we fear others, because we fear to react to our beliefs, and that's what we do, we react, and that implies not being here in and as every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated when a person judges another person, without realizing that I am simply seeing myself in and as others because all of us judge, because in the very moment when we get irritated because of other person judging, we are in fact judging the very person that is judging, thus we in fact judge ourselves when judging others as a point of fearing ourselves, like an excuse and justification to not see what we fear of ourselves, so:

When and as I see myself getting irritated when hearing a person judging - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to see what I'm judging about myself when creating a whole experience of irritation because of a person being judging others, and that if I judge others it means that I fear what I judge, as a suppressed part of myself, suppressed by my own judgments and irritation.

I commit myself to see within and as myself every point that I judge about others, and within this, to show that the only to judge someone is if we judge ourselves as the opposite, and that that judgment of the opposite tends to be a superiority point, and that superiority point is in fact the suppression of our real fear, inferiority - and that all of those fears and judgments are just our own illusion because we in fact cannot be more or less, but the same as one as equal as life, and that we have defined a value separated from ourselves through money as something with value as power, without realizing that is only a piece of paper.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Who am I within a Kiss? - Love and sex Desires

 

I was on a house and there was a girl, and I started to kiss her and really we started to go on passion lol. Clearly there is the belief that a kiss is something incredible, something important as positive - and well, in  that moment the backchat was 'I want her to kiss me' and 'kiss me', and within that the reaction was fear of her not kissing me, anxiety as insecurity, then the desire of her kissing me.


 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a kiss is something incredible/important as a positive experience, without realizing that a kiss isn't an experience, rather a physical interaction and contact, so I realize how we associate physical contact as an experience to fulfill our desires, without considering ourselves as the physical, rather as a battery searching energy to get complete, and obviously there's no way to get complete in separation from ourselves, because we are already here, so we don't need to search what is here as self, and that's how the experiences can exist, in separation from ourselves, and I see how we don't want to stop our blind-searching because we know that a physical relationship with ourselves isn't an experience, so that's how we don't consider ourselves.

When and as I see myself believing a kiss as something incredible/important as a positive experience - I stop and I breathe. I kiss my hand realizing that a kiss isn't an experience, rather a physical contact, so I establish a physical contact with and as myself kissing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I want her to kiss me', without realizing that in wanting someone to kiss ourselves we are not considering ourselves as one and equal as the person, because of believing that a kiss must be with someone, so I realize that in order to give a kiss in and as oneness and equality is only possible realizing a kiss as a physical expression that starts with self, so then one is able to expand that self-relationship to another person in oneness and equality.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'I want her to kiss me' - I stop and I breathe. I kiss myself here, realizing that a kiss isn't a want, rather a physical expression in and as the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a woman not kissing me, without realizing that that fear is useless because I can give myself a kiss, so a kiss isn't depends on anyone, rather is a decision as physical movement. so it's unnecessary to fear not having something that I can give to myself, so I realize how we allow the fear of someone not kissing us because of believing that a kiss is something more than us, without considering that a kiss is ourselves as physical movement and expression, so it isn't about something more or less, rather ourselves as oneness and equality as the physical.

When and as I see myself fearing a woman not kissing me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no point in fearing what I can give to myself, and that a kiss is physical expression, not an experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the insecurity if a woman will kiss me or not, without realizing that that anxiety only can exist if we don't recognize ourselves here as breath because our security is the certainty of us existing here as the cure as the solution, so if a woman if gonna kiss me or not is irrelevant, because we are one and equal so kissing her is the same as kissing me, and if it isn't that indicates the searching of an experience with physical contact, so really, there's no point in being anxious for something that is here as self as kiss.

When and as I see myself anxious because of the insecurity of if a woman will kiss me or not - I stop and I breathe. I secure myself as breath here realizing that there's no need to hope and search what is here as self, so I can kiss myself and see if there's some point of desiring an experience related to a kiss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire kissing a woman, without realizing that that desire implies the belief of that a kiss is somehow something that makes us happy, and really I realize that the desire behind that desire is sex, because we create and entire story about a kiss in our mind, so we desire a kiss to get horny with a woman so then we can step to the next stage - sex.

When and as I see myself desiring to kiss a woman - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the very point of desiring to kiss a woman is sex - so I kiss myself physically realizing that there's no experience in a kiss.

… So we started to kiss, and clearly fulfilling my desire, was like using all that passion as love for fulfilling my desire, really like a force inside me. And then when kissing her I saw the image of her nude and I masturbating her, and I had the backchat 'I want to have sex with her' and the reaction was fear of her getting pissed off for masturbating her for believing that if I masturbate a woman then she could get pissed off, that is something bad/incorrect - then the anxiety if I should masturbate her or not, and then the desire to masturbate her, so I did, I started to do that, and she said: 'no, sex no', so in that moment I felt irritated because of not being able to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that we create LOVE when we fulfill our desires, so we love inequality, we love the illusion of an experience, we love when we have/reach what we want and desire - so if the desire is the opposite to fear, love is an opposite too, thus, we HATE what we FEAR because we love what we desire

I commit myself to SHOW that we only LOVE the positive experience as our wants and desires, and that we place our love on something or someone because love can only exist in separation from ourselves, so when we love we are not considering ourselves and / or the person as one and equal, rather just considering the experience, so if the experience is against our wants and desires, we will HATE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of myself masturbating a nude woman, without realizing that masturbation isn't an image, rather a physical contact and interaction that doesn't start with an image rather as self-expression in the physical in and as the moment.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of myself masturbating a nude woman - I stop and I breathe. I decide to not mentally masturbate myself with an image thus I remain here breathing realizing that there's no self-direction when possessing ourselves by an image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I want to have sex with her', without realizing that wanting sex implies to believe the sex as something great, so obviously it is a point of separation because real sex isn't an energetic experience, a desire, rather a physical expression in and as the moment so wanting to have sex is just a point of wanting to have a grandiose experience without considering ourselves as Life as one and equal, rather searching sexual-positive-experience to taste our own programmed mind-heaven.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'I want to have sex with her' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that wanting to have sex is just going to the search or reach of an experience so I consider that sex only can exist within and as an agreement with a partner, because if it is not, is merely mental masturbation and desire.

I commit myself to stop searching sex with women as the consideration of myself as physical as one as equal, where sex isn't an experience, rather a physical expression within and as an agreement in oneness and equality.

Points to consider/apply in equality and oneness:
- Any sexual interaction can just exist within an agreement - fulfill self/others desire is mindfuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that if I masturbate a woman she will be piss off at me, and connected that fear because of believing that masturbation is an atrocity, without realizing that masturbation is a physical expression so it is not good or bad, rather an interaction with ourselves or a partner in oneness and equality as the physical, and that a woman can only get piss off if I try to masturbate her without being in an agreement, because any sexual interaction without being in an agreement is not considering sex as oneness and equality, rather as an energetic experience to test with many women as possible, and clearly that's unacceptable.

When and as I see myself fearing that if I masturbate a woman she will get piss off at - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only way to make a woman be piss off at me is without considering an agreement between us, so the self-dishonest point is when we do not discuss an agreement, because that implies sexual interaction as an energetic experience, without the consideration of self as oneness and equality as the physical.

I commit myself to only have sexual interactions within an agreement of a physical relationship, and to live this decision in every way as possible, even if a woman try to have sexual interactions with me, so considering that it doesn't matter how, any sexual interaction must be within and as an agreement, otherwise is just fulfilling a desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety because of apparently not knowing if I should masturbate a woman or not, without realizing that in fact that 'I don't know' is just an excuse to get to the desire of masturbate her and that what I know is that masturbation can only exist in consideration of self as oneness and equality, and that implies and agreement, so I really do know, I can ask myself.

When and as I see myself anxious because of not knowing if I should masturbate a woman or not - I stop and I breathe. I realize that masturbating a woman without being in an agreement is not considering self in oneness and equality, so masturbating a woman without considering all as one as equal is an abusive point of self-interest.

I commit myself to consider whether I have an agreement with a woman when reaching a moment of possible sexual interaction, and if there's no agreement, just stopping and showing that sexual interaction can only exist within and as an agreement as a relationship in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to masturbate a woman, without realizing that there's no consideration of an agreement in desiring to masturbate a woman, so the desire is just an abusive point, I mean, we can enjoy the sexual interactions physically, but the fuck up is creating an energetic experience from that, and desiring that experience, where obviously there's no consideration of self as oneness and equality as the physical, so it is not about desiring to masturbate a woman, rather considering sexual interactions only within an agreement in oneness and equality as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself desiring to masturbate a woman - I stop and I breathe. I realize that desiring to masturbate a woman is just a point of self-interest if there's no agreement, so it isn't about a desiring to masturbate a woman, rather deciding to create an agreement where we can have sexual interactions as a point of physical expression, where sex and masturbation are not an experience, so if I drive myself by the desire of masturbating a woman I'm not supporting myself in and as oneness and equality, so there's no point in driving myself without self-direction only because of searching an energetic experience.

I commit myself to only have sexual interactions within an agreement in oneness and equality, so considering whether I have an agreement with the person if I am in a sexual situation, so considering my commitment as one and equal as everyone and everywhere as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of not being able to have sex, without realizing that clearly that irritation can only exist if I'm desiring to have sex, and that's unacceptable because getting irritated for not having sex implies that one is not considering sex as an agreement, rather as an energetic experience as a self-interest point fulfilling my own sexual desires.

When and as I see myself getting irritated for not getting sex when I want it - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself in getting irritated for something that I know that can only exist within and as an agreement, and that the irritation just gives more power to the desire of having sex, so:

I commit myself to live the understanding of sex as an agreement and within that stopping the desire for sex - and show in every moment of sexual thoughts or emotions or feelings that sexual interactions can only exist within and as an agreement, and that there's no point in driving ourselves into energetic experiences about sexual interactions, because that's only the search of positive experiences and in the search of energy there's no self-direction as directive principle as oneness and equality as the flesh.