I was talking with someone on Skype - too aloud - and when I saw myself speaking aloud I had an image of my father entering to the room to scold me, and I had the belief 'he's going to scold me' and 'I don't know if he's gonna scold me', and then I feared my father scolding me - so I moderated my voice - for a moment - then I started to speak aloud again, and it happened, my father started to scream downstairs 'you have to sleep', and I had the judgment 'oh I fucked it', so I just continued speaking, and he said 'hey finish that, it's too late' and I kept quiet, and he said 'I will have to turn off the modem from now' - button pressed - I saw an image of him turning off the modem, and I had the doubt 'what will I do without internet', and I feared him turning off the modem, and then anxiety as the insecurity of him turning or not the modem off, then the wish of him just going to bed again, and the hope that he won't turn off the modem. Well, he didn't, he had go to bed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of my father entering to my room to scold me for speaking aloud, without realizing that existing and creating as an image doesn't change my behavior, and doesn't dictate what will happen, so it isn't real because an image is just that, an image, and what is real is what is here.
When and as I see myself in and as the image of my father entering to my room to scold me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I speak with myself telling myself that that I'm here breathing and what is here is real, and that I can consider others sleeping when speaking as what is best for all physically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my father is going to scold me for speaking aloud, without realizing that I don't have to believe what my father is going to do, because what I know at every moment is that I'm here and that I can consider others as myself as the consideration of them sleeping as what is best for all.
When and as I see myself believing that my father is going to scold me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I realize that my father isn't scolding me here, and I speak in consideration of everyone as they are sleeping as what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know if my father is gonna scold me for speaking aloud, without realizing that I know that waking up a person for speaking aloud is not considering their lives, but only my self-interest point of speaking without any consideration, so really that person can react, so it is not about someone scolding me, rather that I can consider others sleeping.
When and as I see myself believing that I don't know if my father is gonna scold me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I speak to myself telling myself that I know that if he woke up he can get irritated, and that I can consider that point of friction and that he go to work, so it's a practical and real consideration of his rest time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father scolding me for speaking aloud, without realizing that we scold ourselves if we react with anger for being woken up, so I can see that is unnecessary create those experiences, just considering when others are sleeping instead of only considering myself speaking, and that I'm responsible if I don't consider others sleeping when speaking.
When and as I see myself fearing my father scolding me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I speak to my father and offer and apologize as taking responsibility for my own self-interest point, then I show the solution: moderate my voice volume as considering others sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the self-judgment 'oh! I fucked it', without realizing that judging myself for fucking it isn't gonna change anything so is really unnecessary, because I just can speak and make a solution as what is best for all.
When and as I see myself in and as the judgment 'oh I fucked it' - I stop and I breathe. I fuck the judgment standing up and offer an apologize as taking responsibility for the fuck up, and I show and apply the solution as moderate my voice volume in consideration of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as an image of my father turning off the modem, without realizing that we turn off ourselves as breath when we decide to posses ourselves by and as an image that isn't real, thus there's no point in see an image as a mind-projection, as the projection is not here and is not considering what is best for all as life.
When and as I see myself in and as an image of my father turning off the modem - I stop and I breathe. I turn off the image through breath, realizing that I'm here so that which I cannot see physically - an image - is simply not real, rather what I can see with my physical human eyes is real and it's here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the doubt 'what will I do without internet', without realizing that with or without internet what I'm doing is breathing here and walking a process of self-responsibility and self-correction as the equalization to and as what is best for all, so what really matter is walk the decision to change breath by breath and point by point, where I can use internet as a way to share the process and talk with people, so is not a point of defining myself with the internet, rather realize that I'm here breathing and that I can use internet.
When and as I see myself in and as the doubt 'what will I do without internet' - I stop and I breathe. What I will do is what I'm doing here: existing here and walking myself as self-corrective and self-responsibility process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father turning off the modem, without realizing that I'm not defined by internet because I'm still here with or without internet, so there's no point on fearing to lose internet, because I cannot lose myself, because I'm here.
When and as I see myself fearing my father turning off the modem - I stop and I breathe. I turn off the fear through breathing, realizing that I'm not defined with internet, because I'm here with or without it, and that is unnecessary to think what will happen without internet, because is about living moment by moment as breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety as the insecurity of if my father will turn off the modem or not, without realizing that the security is HERE as self as being here, so is unnecessary to be insecure in separation from self, because if there's internet or not, I'm still here.
When and as I see myself anxious because of the insecurity of if my father will turn off the modem or not - I stop and I breathe. I secure myself here as what is real, and I consider others sleeping when speaking, as what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wishing that my father goes to bed when he scold me, without realizing that wishing that isn't a practical solution to really take responsibility for my own self-interest point of speaking aloud without considering that others are sleeping, so, I can consider a practical solution as talk with my father, taking responsibility for my own self-interest, and making a solution = speak with moderated volume.
When and as I see myself wishing that my father goes to bed when he scold me - I stop and I breathe. I go to him and I apologize and show the practical solution: speaking with moderated voice volume.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that my father won't turn off the modem, without realizing that hoping isn't gonna change anything, hence I can take responsibility and assume my self-interest point and show the solution as what is best for all as moderate my voice volume as considering others sleeping.
When and as I see myself hoping that my father won't turn off the modem - I stop and I breathe. I turn off the hope through realizing that I'm here and I speak with my father, taking responsibility for my own self-interest point and I moderate my voice volume considering others sleeping as what is best for all.
Re-defining the word constancy/constancia
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word constancy with the word obligation, and the word obligation with a negative charge in separation from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word constancy with the word perseverance, and the word perseverance with a positive charge in separation from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word constancy as something that never change, in separation from myself as the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word constancy as something special, and something special as a positive experience, in separation from myself as the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word constancy as something too heavy, as something that I cannot have/do, and something too heavy and something that I cannot have/do as a negative experience, in separation from myself as the word.
constancy
n adjective
1 occurring continuously.
2 remaining the same. Øfaithful and dependable.
n noun an unchanging situation. ØMathematics a component of a relationship between variables that does not change its value. ØPhysics a number expressing a relation or property which remains the same in all circumstances, or for the same substance under the same conditions.
Sounding:
con stancy
con = with in english
stance = estancia in spanish
constancy = con-stance = giving oneself direction and continuation standing within and as breath to act upon a practical point
constancia = con-(e)stancia = darse a uno mismo dirección y seguimiento levantándose en y como el respiro en la realización de un punto práctico
Enjoy.
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