Do you love your Grandma? - The Anger with Grandparents

I was in the kitchen making my bread, and a man came to fix the outside-floor, and he asked to me to plug-in his hacksaw, and I connected, and later I disconnected it and I left the door open.

In that moment I had the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk - I made a negative association with her tonality -, and the backchat 'she's gonna close the door and start to judge', and I feared her to close the door and starting to judge - and she did that, and I got irritated because of not wanting her judging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk, without realizing that that image implies self-manipulation to get to a reaction, so without realizing that is useless trying to control what will happen because the consequence is clearly a fear reaction to the image, so it's useless producing reactions an emotions instead of being here breathing and living moment by moment.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk - I stop and I breathe. I realize that driving myself to and as an image is not supporting myself to be here in and as breath, because trying to guess what another person will do is clearly just a memory pattern-belief that doesn't allow the change, so I realize that in driving myself to and as an image I'm not in fact giving the opportunity to the change, so in order to make a change, inevitably I have to change.

I commit myself to stop my participation in trying to mentally-dictate through images what another person will do as trying to control the future and environment, and to show that we are not allowing the change because of constantly activating images of what will happen, and that those images are just memories from the past that activates in the mind again so then we make sure that there's no CHANGE here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others tonalities as annoying, and the word annoying with a negative charge, in separation from myself, without realizing that everyone's tonality is everyone's own expression so there's no point of oneness and equality in judging other's tonalities because everyone of us have our own tonality as self-expression, so obviously is a point of comparison with my own tonality as a separation point of believing my tonality as more than others tonalities, and that's completely unacceptable because there's no inferior/superior tonality, is tonality as self-expression as one as equal as life as physical sound.

When and as I see myself judging others tonalities as annoying - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no consideration of myself as one and equal to and as everyone in judging others for their tonalities, and that I don't really support myself if I'm judging them instead of hearing them, so it's really creating reactions for their voices, so there's no point in defining themselves for their tonalities, the same way that there's no consideration of self as one and equal in comparing my tonality with others tonalities, as a point of seeking for superiority, because there's no superiority/inferiority, rather oneness and equality as Life, thus we are here expressing ourselves with our tonality as self-expression as Life.

I commit myself to stop judging others tonalities, so stopping judging my tonality as superior, and to show that if we judge other's as inferiors implies that we are believing ourselves to be superior, so there's no equality in believing ourselves as more than another, because in fact we are all HERE as Life breathing, so we are one and equal as who we are as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that my grandma would close the door and start judging, without considering that we are not giving freedom of self-expression to others if we try to control what they do, because the only point in trying to do that is just creating an experience and getting drive by that experience to show others what they don't have to do as a point of manipulation to fulfill the search of control as controlling others to get in-line with our mind-reality of what is right and what is wrong = morality, so this search of control implies not being here breathing considering that living is in fact being here in and as every moment of every breath, where there's no need to control anyone, even self, rather direct ourselves as the physical as oneness and equality as Life.

When and as I see myself fearing and believing that my grandma will close the door and start judging - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to be here in fearing someone to do what I believed, so it is really a point of judging others expression instead of expressing myself in every moment, considering myself as one and equal as every single human being, the same way that I can assist myself in seeing myself in others so realizing that when a person judges another person I can see how we judge ourselves and that it is about ourselves, no others, because ourselves are the ones that are not here self-expressing.

I commit myself to stop believing and fearing what others will do, and to be here as breath in and as every moment giving assistance and support to others as myself, and within that showing that we fear ourselves when we fear others, because we fear to react to our beliefs, and that's what we do, we react, and that implies not being here in and as every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated when a person judges another person, without realizing that I am simply seeing myself in and as others because all of us judge, because in the very moment when we get irritated because of other person judging, we are in fact judging the very person that is judging, thus we in fact judge ourselves when judging others as a point of fearing ourselves, like an excuse and justification to not see what we fear of ourselves, so:

When and as I see myself getting irritated when hearing a person judging - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to see what I'm judging about myself when creating a whole experience of irritation because of a person being judging others, and that if I judge others it means that I fear what I judge, as a suppressed part of myself, suppressed by my own judgments and irritation.

I commit myself to see within and as myself every point that I judge about others, and within this, to show that the only to judge someone is if we judge ourselves as the opposite, and that that judgment of the opposite tends to be a superiority point, and that superiority point is in fact the suppression of our real fear, inferiority - and that all of those fears and judgments are just our own illusion because we in fact cannot be more or less, but the same as one as equal as life, and that we have defined a value separated from ourselves through money as something with value as power, without realizing that is only a piece of paper.