I was on a house and there was a girl, and I started to kiss her and really we started to go on passion lol. Clearly there is the belief that a kiss is something incredible, something important as positive - and well, in that moment the backchat was 'I want her to kiss me' and 'kiss me', and within that the reaction was fear of her not kissing me, anxiety as insecurity, then the desire of her kissing me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a kiss is something incredible/important as a positive experience, without realizing that a kiss isn't an experience, rather a physical interaction and contact, so I realize how we associate physical contact as an experience to fulfill our desires, without considering ourselves as the physical, rather as a battery searching energy to get complete, and obviously there's no way to get complete in separation from ourselves, because we are already here, so we don't need to search what is here as self, and that's how the experiences can exist, in separation from ourselves, and I see how we don't want to stop our blind-searching because we know that a physical relationship with ourselves isn't an experience, so that's how we don't consider ourselves.
When and as I see myself believing a kiss as something incredible/important as a positive experience - I stop and I breathe. I kiss my hand realizing that a kiss isn't an experience, rather a physical contact, so I establish a physical contact with and as myself kissing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I want her to kiss me', without realizing that in wanting someone to kiss ourselves we are not considering ourselves as one and equal as the person, because of believing that a kiss must be with someone, so I realize that in order to give a kiss in and as oneness and equality is only possible realizing a kiss as a physical expression that starts with self, so then one is able to expand that self-relationship to another person in oneness and equality.
When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'I want her to kiss me' - I stop and I breathe. I kiss myself here, realizing that a kiss isn't a want, rather a physical expression in and as the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a woman not kissing me, without realizing that that fear is useless because I can give myself a kiss, so a kiss isn't depends on anyone, rather is a decision as physical movement. so it's unnecessary to fear not having something that I can give to myself, so I realize how we allow the fear of someone not kissing us because of believing that a kiss is something more than us, without considering that a kiss is ourselves as physical movement and expression, so it isn't about something more or less, rather ourselves as oneness and equality as the physical.
When and as I see myself fearing a woman not kissing me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no point in fearing what I can give to myself, and that a kiss is physical expression, not an experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the insecurity if a woman will kiss me or not, without realizing that that anxiety only can exist if we don't recognize ourselves here as breath because our security is the certainty of us existing here as the cure as the solution, so if a woman if gonna kiss me or not is irrelevant, because we are one and equal so kissing her is the same as kissing me, and if it isn't that indicates the searching of an experience with physical contact, so really, there's no point in being anxious for something that is here as self as kiss.
When and as I see myself anxious because of the insecurity of if a woman will kiss me or not - I stop and I breathe. I secure myself as breath here realizing that there's no need to hope and search what is here as self, so I can kiss myself and see if there's some point of desiring an experience related to a kiss.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire kissing a woman, without realizing that that desire implies the belief of that a kiss is somehow something that makes us happy, and really I realize that the desire behind that desire is sex, because we create and entire story about a kiss in our mind, so we desire a kiss to get horny with a woman so then we can step to the next stage - sex.
When and as I see myself desiring to kiss a woman - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the very point of desiring to kiss a woman is sex - so I kiss myself physically realizing that there's no experience in a kiss.
… So we started to kiss, and clearly fulfilling my desire, was like using all that passion as love for fulfilling my desire, really like a force inside me. And then when kissing her I saw the image of her nude and I masturbating her, and I had the backchat 'I want to have sex with her' and the reaction was fear of her getting pissed off for masturbating her for believing that if I masturbate a woman then she could get pissed off, that is something bad/incorrect - then the anxiety if I should masturbate her or not, and then the desire to masturbate her, so I did, I started to do that, and she said: 'no, sex no', so in that moment I felt irritated because of not being able to have sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that we create LOVE when we fulfill our desires, so we love inequality, we love the illusion of an experience, we love when we have/reach what we want and desire - so if the desire is the opposite to fear, love is an opposite too, thus, we HATE what we FEAR because we love what we desire
I commit myself to SHOW that we only LOVE the positive experience as our wants and desires, and that we place our love on something or someone because love can only exist in separation from ourselves, so when we love we are not considering ourselves and / or the person as one and equal, rather just considering the experience, so if the experience is against our wants and desires, we will HATE.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of myself masturbating a nude woman, without realizing that masturbation isn't an image, rather a physical contact and interaction that doesn't start with an image rather as self-expression in the physical in and as the moment.
When and as I see myself in and as the image of myself masturbating a nude woman - I stop and I breathe. I decide to not mentally masturbate myself with an image thus I remain here breathing realizing that there's no self-direction when possessing ourselves by an image.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I want to have sex with her', without realizing that wanting sex implies to believe the sex as something great, so obviously it is a point of separation because real sex isn't an energetic experience, a desire, rather a physical expression in and as the moment so wanting to have sex is just a point of wanting to have a grandiose experience without considering ourselves as Life as one and equal, rather searching sexual-positive-experience to taste our own programmed mind-heaven.
When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'I want to have sex with her' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that wanting to have sex is just going to the search or reach of an experience so I consider that sex only can exist within and as an agreement with a partner, because if it is not, is merely mental masturbation and desire.
I commit myself to stop searching sex with women as the consideration of myself as physical as one as equal, where sex isn't an experience, rather a physical expression within and as an agreement in oneness and equality.
Points to consider/apply in equality and oneness:
- Any sexual interaction can just exist within an agreement - fulfill self/others desire is mindfuck.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that if I masturbate a woman she will be piss off at me, and connected that fear because of believing that masturbation is an atrocity, without realizing that masturbation is a physical expression so it is not good or bad, rather an interaction with ourselves or a partner in oneness and equality as the physical, and that a woman can only get piss off if I try to masturbate her without being in an agreement, because any sexual interaction without being in an agreement is not considering sex as oneness and equality, rather as an energetic experience to test with many women as possible, and clearly that's unacceptable.
When and as I see myself fearing that if I masturbate a woman she will get piss off at - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only way to make a woman be piss off at me is without considering an agreement between us, so the self-dishonest point is when we do not discuss an agreement, because that implies sexual interaction as an energetic experience, without the consideration of self as oneness and equality as the physical.
I commit myself to only have sexual interactions within an agreement of a physical relationship, and to live this decision in every way as possible, even if a woman try to have sexual interactions with me, so considering that it doesn't matter how, any sexual interaction must be within and as an agreement, otherwise is just fulfilling a desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety because of apparently not knowing if I should masturbate a woman or not, without realizing that in fact that 'I don't know' is just an excuse to get to the desire of masturbate her and that what I know is that masturbation can only exist in consideration of self as oneness and equality, and that implies and agreement, so I really do know, I can ask myself.
When and as I see myself anxious because of not knowing if I should masturbate a woman or not - I stop and I breathe. I realize that masturbating a woman without being in an agreement is not considering self in oneness and equality, so masturbating a woman without considering all as one as equal is an abusive point of self-interest.
I commit myself to consider whether I have an agreement with a woman when reaching a moment of possible sexual interaction, and if there's no agreement, just stopping and showing that sexual interaction can only exist within and as an agreement as a relationship in oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to masturbate a woman, without realizing that there's no consideration of an agreement in desiring to masturbate a woman, so the desire is just an abusive point, I mean, we can enjoy the sexual interactions physically, but the fuck up is creating an energetic experience from that, and desiring that experience, where obviously there's no consideration of self as oneness and equality as the physical, so it is not about desiring to masturbate a woman, rather considering sexual interactions only within an agreement in oneness and equality as what is best for all.
When and as I see myself desiring to masturbate a woman - I stop and I breathe. I realize that desiring to masturbate a woman is just a point of self-interest if there's no agreement, so it isn't about a desiring to masturbate a woman, rather deciding to create an agreement where we can have sexual interactions as a point of physical expression, where sex and masturbation are not an experience, so if I drive myself by the desire of masturbating a woman I'm not supporting myself in and as oneness and equality, so there's no point in driving myself without self-direction only because of searching an energetic experience.
I commit myself to only have sexual interactions within an agreement in oneness and equality, so considering whether I have an agreement with the person if I am in a sexual situation, so considering my commitment as one and equal as everyone and everywhere as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of not being able to have sex, without realizing that clearly that irritation can only exist if I'm desiring to have sex, and that's unacceptable because getting irritated for not having sex implies that one is not considering sex as an agreement, rather as an energetic experience as a self-interest point fulfilling my own sexual desires.
When and as I see myself getting irritated for not getting sex when I want it - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself in getting irritated for something that I know that can only exist within and as an agreement, and that the irritation just gives more power to the desire of having sex, so:
I commit myself to live the understanding of sex as an agreement and within that stopping the desire for sex - and show in every moment of sexual thoughts or emotions or feelings that sexual interactions can only exist within and as an agreement, and that there's no point in driving ourselves into energetic experiences about sexual interactions, because that's only the search of positive experiences and in the search of energy there's no self-direction as directive principle as oneness and equality as the flesh.
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