Do you love your Grandma? - The Anger with Grandparents

I was in the kitchen making my bread, and a man came to fix the outside-floor, and he asked to me to plug-in his hacksaw, and I connected, and later I disconnected it and I left the door open.

In that moment I had the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk - I made a negative association with her tonality -, and the backchat 'she's gonna close the door and start to judge', and I feared her to close the door and starting to judge - and she did that, and I got irritated because of not wanting her judging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk, without realizing that that image implies self-manipulation to get to a reaction, so without realizing that is useless trying to control what will happen because the consequence is clearly a fear reaction to the image, so it's useless producing reactions an emotions instead of being here breathing and living moment by moment.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of my grandma closing the door and starting to talk - I stop and I breathe. I realize that driving myself to and as an image is not supporting myself to be here in and as breath, because trying to guess what another person will do is clearly just a memory pattern-belief that doesn't allow the change, so I realize that in driving myself to and as an image I'm not in fact giving the opportunity to the change, so in order to make a change, inevitably I have to change.

I commit myself to stop my participation in trying to mentally-dictate through images what another person will do as trying to control the future and environment, and to show that we are not allowing the change because of constantly activating images of what will happen, and that those images are just memories from the past that activates in the mind again so then we make sure that there's no CHANGE here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others tonalities as annoying, and the word annoying with a negative charge, in separation from myself, without realizing that everyone's tonality is everyone's own expression so there's no point of oneness and equality in judging other's tonalities because everyone of us have our own tonality as self-expression, so obviously is a point of comparison with my own tonality as a separation point of believing my tonality as more than others tonalities, and that's completely unacceptable because there's no inferior/superior tonality, is tonality as self-expression as one as equal as life as physical sound.

When and as I see myself judging others tonalities as annoying - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no consideration of myself as one and equal to and as everyone in judging others for their tonalities, and that I don't really support myself if I'm judging them instead of hearing them, so it's really creating reactions for their voices, so there's no point in defining themselves for their tonalities, the same way that there's no consideration of self as one and equal in comparing my tonality with others tonalities, as a point of seeking for superiority, because there's no superiority/inferiority, rather oneness and equality as Life, thus we are here expressing ourselves with our tonality as self-expression as Life.

I commit myself to stop judging others tonalities, so stopping judging my tonality as superior, and to show that if we judge other's as inferiors implies that we are believing ourselves to be superior, so there's no equality in believing ourselves as more than another, because in fact we are all HERE as Life breathing, so we are one and equal as who we are as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that my grandma would close the door and start judging, without considering that we are not giving freedom of self-expression to others if we try to control what they do, because the only point in trying to do that is just creating an experience and getting drive by that experience to show others what they don't have to do as a point of manipulation to fulfill the search of control as controlling others to get in-line with our mind-reality of what is right and what is wrong = morality, so this search of control implies not being here breathing considering that living is in fact being here in and as every moment of every breath, where there's no need to control anyone, even self, rather direct ourselves as the physical as oneness and equality as Life.

When and as I see myself fearing and believing that my grandma will close the door and start judging - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to be here in fearing someone to do what I believed, so it is really a point of judging others expression instead of expressing myself in every moment, considering myself as one and equal as every single human being, the same way that I can assist myself in seeing myself in others so realizing that when a person judges another person I can see how we judge ourselves and that it is about ourselves, no others, because ourselves are the ones that are not here self-expressing.

I commit myself to stop believing and fearing what others will do, and to be here as breath in and as every moment giving assistance and support to others as myself, and within that showing that we fear ourselves when we fear others, because we fear to react to our beliefs, and that's what we do, we react, and that implies not being here in and as every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated when a person judges another person, without realizing that I am simply seeing myself in and as others because all of us judge, because in the very moment when we get irritated because of other person judging, we are in fact judging the very person that is judging, thus we in fact judge ourselves when judging others as a point of fearing ourselves, like an excuse and justification to not see what we fear of ourselves, so:

When and as I see myself getting irritated when hearing a person judging - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself to see what I'm judging about myself when creating a whole experience of irritation because of a person being judging others, and that if I judge others it means that I fear what I judge, as a suppressed part of myself, suppressed by my own judgments and irritation.

I commit myself to see within and as myself every point that I judge about others, and within this, to show that the only to judge someone is if we judge ourselves as the opposite, and that that judgment of the opposite tends to be a superiority point, and that superiority point is in fact the suppression of our real fear, inferiority - and that all of those fears and judgments are just our own illusion because we in fact cannot be more or less, but the same as one as equal as life, and that we have defined a value separated from ourselves through money as something with value as power, without realizing that is only a piece of paper.

Who am I within a Kiss? - Love and sex Desires

 

I was on a house and there was a girl, and I started to kiss her and really we started to go on passion lol. Clearly there is the belief that a kiss is something incredible, something important as positive - and well, in  that moment the backchat was 'I want her to kiss me' and 'kiss me', and within that the reaction was fear of her not kissing me, anxiety as insecurity, then the desire of her kissing me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a kiss is something incredible/important as a positive experience, without realizing that a kiss isn't an experience, rather a physical interaction and contact, so I realize how we associate physical contact as an experience to fulfill our desires, without considering ourselves as the physical, rather as a battery searching energy to get complete, and obviously there's no way to get complete in separation from ourselves, because we are already here, so we don't need to search what is here as self, and that's how the experiences can exist, in separation from ourselves, and I see how we don't want to stop our blind-searching because we know that a physical relationship with ourselves isn't an experience, so that's how we don't consider ourselves.

When and as I see myself believing a kiss as something incredible/important as a positive experience - I stop and I breathe. I kiss my hand realizing that a kiss isn't an experience, rather a physical contact, so I establish a physical contact with and as myself kissing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I want her to kiss me', without realizing that in wanting someone to kiss ourselves we are not considering ourselves as one and equal as the person, because of believing that a kiss must be with someone, so I realize that in order to give a kiss in and as oneness and equality is only possible realizing a kiss as a physical expression that starts with self, so then one is able to expand that self-relationship to another person in oneness and equality.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'I want her to kiss me' - I stop and I breathe. I kiss myself here, realizing that a kiss isn't a want, rather a physical expression in and as the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a woman not kissing me, without realizing that that fear is useless because I can give myself a kiss, so a kiss isn't depends on anyone, rather is a decision as physical movement. so it's unnecessary to fear not having something that I can give to myself, so I realize how we allow the fear of someone not kissing us because of believing that a kiss is something more than us, without considering that a kiss is ourselves as physical movement and expression, so it isn't about something more or less, rather ourselves as oneness and equality as the physical.

When and as I see myself fearing a woman not kissing me - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no point in fearing what I can give to myself, and that a kiss is physical expression, not an experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the insecurity if a woman will kiss me or not, without realizing that that anxiety only can exist if we don't recognize ourselves here as breath because our security is the certainty of us existing here as the cure as the solution, so if a woman if gonna kiss me or not is irrelevant, because we are one and equal so kissing her is the same as kissing me, and if it isn't that indicates the searching of an experience with physical contact, so really, there's no point in being anxious for something that is here as self as kiss.

When and as I see myself anxious because of the insecurity of if a woman will kiss me or not - I stop and I breathe. I secure myself as breath here realizing that there's no need to hope and search what is here as self, so I can kiss myself and see if there's some point of desiring an experience related to a kiss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire kissing a woman, without realizing that that desire implies the belief of that a kiss is somehow something that makes us happy, and really I realize that the desire behind that desire is sex, because we create and entire story about a kiss in our mind, so we desire a kiss to get horny with a woman so then we can step to the next stage - sex.

When and as I see myself desiring to kiss a woman - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the very point of desiring to kiss a woman is sex - so I kiss myself physically realizing that there's no experience in a kiss.

… So we started to kiss, and clearly fulfilling my desire, was like using all that passion as love for fulfilling my desire, really like a force inside me. And then when kissing her I saw the image of her nude and I masturbating her, and I had the backchat 'I want to have sex with her' and the reaction was fear of her getting pissed off for masturbating her for believing that if I masturbate a woman then she could get pissed off, that is something bad/incorrect - then the anxiety if I should masturbate her or not, and then the desire to masturbate her, so I did, I started to do that, and she said: 'no, sex no', so in that moment I felt irritated because of not being able to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that we create LOVE when we fulfill our desires, so we love inequality, we love the illusion of an experience, we love when we have/reach what we want and desire - so if the desire is the opposite to fear, love is an opposite too, thus, we HATE what we FEAR because we love what we desire

I commit myself to SHOW that we only LOVE the positive experience as our wants and desires, and that we place our love on something or someone because love can only exist in separation from ourselves, so when we love we are not considering ourselves and / or the person as one and equal, rather just considering the experience, so if the experience is against our wants and desires, we will HATE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of myself masturbating a nude woman, without realizing that masturbation isn't an image, rather a physical contact and interaction that doesn't start with an image rather as self-expression in the physical in and as the moment.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of myself masturbating a nude woman - I stop and I breathe. I decide to not mentally masturbate myself with an image thus I remain here breathing realizing that there's no self-direction when possessing ourselves by an image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the backchat 'I want to have sex with her', without realizing that wanting sex implies to believe the sex as something great, so obviously it is a point of separation because real sex isn't an energetic experience, a desire, rather a physical expression in and as the moment so wanting to have sex is just a point of wanting to have a grandiose experience without considering ourselves as Life as one and equal, rather searching sexual-positive-experience to taste our own programmed mind-heaven.

When and as I see myself in and as the backchat 'I want to have sex with her' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that wanting to have sex is just going to the search or reach of an experience so I consider that sex only can exist within and as an agreement with a partner, because if it is not, is merely mental masturbation and desire.

I commit myself to stop searching sex with women as the consideration of myself as physical as one as equal, where sex isn't an experience, rather a physical expression within and as an agreement in oneness and equality.

Points to consider/apply in equality and oneness:
- Any sexual interaction can just exist within an agreement - fulfill self/others desire is mindfuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that if I masturbate a woman she will be piss off at me, and connected that fear because of believing that masturbation is an atrocity, without realizing that masturbation is a physical expression so it is not good or bad, rather an interaction with ourselves or a partner in oneness and equality as the physical, and that a woman can only get piss off if I try to masturbate her without being in an agreement, because any sexual interaction without being in an agreement is not considering sex as oneness and equality, rather as an energetic experience to test with many women as possible, and clearly that's unacceptable.

When and as I see myself fearing that if I masturbate a woman she will get piss off at - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only way to make a woman be piss off at me is without considering an agreement between us, so the self-dishonest point is when we do not discuss an agreement, because that implies sexual interaction as an energetic experience, without the consideration of self as oneness and equality as the physical.

I commit myself to only have sexual interactions within an agreement of a physical relationship, and to live this decision in every way as possible, even if a woman try to have sexual interactions with me, so considering that it doesn't matter how, any sexual interaction must be within and as an agreement, otherwise is just fulfilling a desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety because of apparently not knowing if I should masturbate a woman or not, without realizing that in fact that 'I don't know' is just an excuse to get to the desire of masturbate her and that what I know is that masturbation can only exist in consideration of self as oneness and equality, and that implies and agreement, so I really do know, I can ask myself.

When and as I see myself anxious because of not knowing if I should masturbate a woman or not - I stop and I breathe. I realize that masturbating a woman without being in an agreement is not considering self in oneness and equality, so masturbating a woman without considering all as one as equal is an abusive point of self-interest.

I commit myself to consider whether I have an agreement with a woman when reaching a moment of possible sexual interaction, and if there's no agreement, just stopping and showing that sexual interaction can only exist within and as an agreement as a relationship in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to masturbate a woman, without realizing that there's no consideration of an agreement in desiring to masturbate a woman, so the desire is just an abusive point, I mean, we can enjoy the sexual interactions physically, but the fuck up is creating an energetic experience from that, and desiring that experience, where obviously there's no consideration of self as oneness and equality as the physical, so it is not about desiring to masturbate a woman, rather considering sexual interactions only within an agreement in oneness and equality as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself desiring to masturbate a woman - I stop and I breathe. I realize that desiring to masturbate a woman is just a point of self-interest if there's no agreement, so it isn't about a desiring to masturbate a woman, rather deciding to create an agreement where we can have sexual interactions as a point of physical expression, where sex and masturbation are not an experience, so if I drive myself by the desire of masturbating a woman I'm not supporting myself in and as oneness and equality, so there's no point in driving myself without self-direction only because of searching an energetic experience.

I commit myself to only have sexual interactions within an agreement in oneness and equality, so considering whether I have an agreement with the person if I am in a sexual situation, so considering my commitment as one and equal as everyone and everywhere as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of not being able to have sex, without realizing that clearly that irritation can only exist if I'm desiring to have sex, and that's unacceptable because getting irritated for not having sex implies that one is not considering sex as an agreement, rather as an energetic experience as a self-interest point fulfilling my own sexual desires.

When and as I see myself getting irritated for not getting sex when I want it - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I'm not supporting myself in getting irritated for something that I know that can only exist within and as an agreement, and that the irritation just gives more power to the desire of having sex, so:

I commit myself to live the understanding of sex as an agreement and within that stopping the desire for sex - and show in every moment of sexual thoughts or emotions or feelings that sexual interactions can only exist within and as an agreement, and that there's no point in driving ourselves into energetic experiences about sexual interactions, because that's only the search of positive experiences and in the search of energy there's no self-direction as directive principle as oneness and equality as the flesh.

Oh no - my eye! - Fear of Loss

I was sitting on my chair, using my computer, then I went to the bathroom, and I saw my eye, that had a little scratch – so, I’ve had an image of myself seeing myself at the mirror with the eye fucked up, so I believed ‘my eye is gonna get worse' and ‘I will lose my eye’ then I feared to lose my eye, then I felt anxious for and as the insecurity of if my eye is gonna get worse, then the desire of my eye get healed, then irritation for have a scratch in my eye, then the hope that my eye will be ok until some time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of myself seeing myself at the mirror with my eye fucked up, without realizing that I'm here and what is here is real, so I realize how we place images DELIBERATELY to activate a character of fear of loss, so is useless reacting to that deliberately because I know that that image isn't real.

When and as I see myself in and as an image of myself seeing myself at the mirror with my eye fucked up - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the image cannot be real and that what is HERE is real, so no need to go into fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my eye is gonna get worse, without realizing that my eye can get worse only if I decide it, and that I'm here breathing so I don't need to believe what will happen in the future, because I realize that there's no point in projecting myself onto future, because the future isn't HERE, and I'm HERE breathing, thus the future doesn't exist.

When and as I see myself believing that my eye is gonna get worse - I stop and I breath. I see myself with my eyes ensuring that I take all the practical and physical considerations: not touching my eyes and not worrying about future because I'm here and what is here is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will lose my eye, without realizing that the only thing that I'm losing in that moment of belief is the breath here instead of believing that I would lose my eye, so it's unnecessary abuse myself with that belief and losing my breath here, because HERE I am as breath.

When and as I see myself believing that I will lose my eye - I stop and I breathe. I recover myself as breath here realizing that the only thing that I can lose is breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my eye, without realizing that with my eye I can see that my eye is here, and what is HERE is real, so there's no need to fear what isn't here, because isn't real.

When and as I see myself fearing losing my eye - I stop and I breathe. I see with my eye that I'm here and that I can see my human physical body how it remains here, equal and one with and as myself, so I'm here, and nothing that isn't here is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety as the insecurity of if my eye will gonna be worse, without realizing that the worse is being insecure for something that isn't here, where obviously is useless to try to secure the future, because the future isn't here, so there's no need to insecurity, because HERE is security as the physical, as stability, as breath, as my eye, as myself.

When and as I see myself in and as anxiety as the insecurity of if my eye will gonna be worse - I stop and I breathe. I secure myself here realizing that my eye is here as myself as breath, and I take practical consideration as not touching my eyes, and if it's necessary, taking medical assistance to my eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to my eye getting healed, without realizing that there's no heal in desiring my eye getting heal, because that desire clearly isn't going to heal my eye, and in fact desiring my eye getting healed implies the fear of losing my eye, so actually that desiring will not heal me eye, just blind my eye to not see that the abuse is fearing to lose my eye.

When and as I see myself desiring to my eye getting healed - I stop and I breathe. I heal myself realizing that the desire isn't gonna change anything, so I stop touching my eyes and I take medical assistance if it's necessary and available.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to get irritated for having a scratch in my eye, without realizing that the scratch to myself is done when getting irritated for judging something that's here as a scratch in my eye, so there's no need to get irritated with realizing that irritation isn't gonna heal my eye, in fact, is just a consequence for fearing to lose my eye, so is part of the abuse, and that the scratch is my responsibility for touching my eyes repeatedly, so I can see that I created the scratch physically.

When and as I see myself irritated for having a scratch in my eye - I stop and I breathe. I scratch my irritation with breath realizing that getting irritated is useless and is only a mental experience to what is here, so I can just take care of my eye with physical and practical considerations like not touching my eye and being more aware when cleaning it.

Re-defining the word Security/Seguridad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word security with the word immunity, and the word immunity with a positive charge, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word security with a positive charge in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word security with the government and police, and government and police with the word power, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word security as having money, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word security with being tall and massive, and being tall and massive as a positive experience, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word security as having no fear, and having no fear as a positive experience, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word security with the word force, and the word force with a positive charge, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word security as knowing the future, and knowing the future as a positive experience, in separation from myself as the word.

security
n    noun (plural securities)
1    the state of being or feeling secure.
2    the safety of a state or organization against criminal activity such as terrorism. Ømeasures taken to ensure such safety.
3    a thing deposited or pledged as a guarantee of the fulfilment of an undertaking or the repayment of a loan, to be forfeited in case of default.
4    a certificate attesting credit, the ownership of stocks or bonds, or the right to ownership connected with tradable derivatives.

Sounding:
se -cur - I - ty
see cure I ty
see = percieve with the eyes
cure = treatment
I = self
tie = thank you

security = see-cure-I-tie = certainty of and as self being here as the cure
segu(i)r-y-dad = certeza de y como uno mismo estando aquí como la cura

Enjoy.

Pissing off my father for waking him up – Fear of change

I was talking with someone on Skype - too aloud - and when I saw myself speaking aloud I had an image of my father entering to the room to scold me, and I had the belief 'he's going to scold me' and 'I don't know if he's gonna scold me', and then I feared my father scolding me - so I moderated my voice - for a moment - then I started to speak aloud again, and it happened, my father started to scream downstairs 'you have to sleep', and I had the judgment 'oh I fucked it', so I just continued speaking, and he said 'hey finish that, it's too late' and I kept quiet, and he said 'I will have to turn off the modem from now' - button pressed - I saw an image of him turning off the modem, and I had the doubt 'what will I do without internet', and I feared him turning off the modem, and then anxiety as the insecurity of him turning or not the modem off, then the wish of him just going to bed again, and the hope that he won't turn off the modem. Well, he didn't, he had go to bed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the image of my father entering to my room to scold me for speaking aloud, without realizing that existing and creating as an image doesn't change my behavior, and doesn't dictate what will happen, so it isn't real because an image is just that, an image, and what is real is what is here.

When and as I see myself in and as the image of my father entering to my room to scold me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I speak with myself telling myself that that I'm here breathing and what is here is real, and that I can consider others sleeping when speaking as what is best for all physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my father is going to scold me for speaking aloud, without realizing that I don't have to believe what my father is going to do, because what I know at every moment is that I'm here and that I can consider others as myself as the consideration of them sleeping as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself believing that my father is going to scold me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I realize that my father isn't scolding me here, and I speak in consideration of everyone as they are sleeping as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know if my father is gonna scold me for speaking aloud, without realizing that I know that waking up a person for speaking aloud is not considering their lives, but only my self-interest point of speaking without any consideration, so really that person can react, so it is not about someone scolding me, rather that I can consider others sleeping.

When and as I see myself believing that I don't know if my father is gonna scold me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I speak to myself telling myself that I know that if he woke up he can get irritated, and that I can consider that point of friction and that he go to work, so it's a practical and real consideration of his rest time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father scolding me for speaking aloud, without realizing that we scold ourselves if we react with anger for being woken up, so I can see that is unnecessary create those experiences, just considering when others are sleeping instead of only considering myself speaking, and that I'm responsible if I don't consider others sleeping when speaking.

When and as I see myself fearing my father scolding me for speaking aloud - I stop and I breathe. I speak to my father and offer and apologize as taking responsibility for my own self-interest point, then I show the solution: moderate my voice volume as considering others sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the self-judgment 'oh! I fucked it', without realizing that judging myself for fucking it isn't gonna change anything so is really unnecessary, because I just can speak and make a solution as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself in and as the judgment 'oh I fucked it' - I stop and I breathe. I fuck the judgment standing up and offer an apologize as taking responsibility for the fuck up, and I show and apply the solution as moderate my voice volume in consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as an image of my father turning off the modem, without realizing that we turn off ourselves as breath when we decide to posses ourselves by and as an image that isn't real, thus there's no point in see an image as a mind-projection, as the projection is not here and is not considering what is best for all as life.

When and as I see myself in and as an image of my father turning off the modem - I stop and I breathe. I turn off the image through breath, realizing that I'm here so that which I cannot see physically - an image - is simply not real, rather what I can see with my physical human eyes is real and it's here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the doubt 'what will I do without internet', without realizing that with or without internet what I'm doing is breathing here and walking a process of self-responsibility and self-correction as the equalization to and as what is best for all, so what really matter is walk the decision to change breath by breath and point by point, where I can use internet as a way to share the process and talk with people, so is not a point of defining myself with the internet, rather realize that I'm here breathing and that I can use internet.

When and as I see myself in and as the doubt 'what will I do without internet' - I stop and I breathe. What I will do is what I'm doing here: existing here and walking myself as self-corrective and self-responsibility process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father turning off the modem, without realizing that I'm not defined by internet because I'm still here with or without internet, so there's no point on fearing to lose internet, because I cannot lose myself, because I'm here.

When and as I see myself fearing my father turning off the modem - I stop and I breathe. I turn off the fear through breathing, realizing that I'm not defined with internet, because I'm here with or without it, and that is unnecessary to think what will happen without internet, because is about living moment by moment as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety as the insecurity of if my father will turn off the modem or not, without realizing that the security is HERE as self as being here, so is unnecessary to be insecure in separation from self, because if there's internet or not, I'm still here.

When and as I see myself anxious because of the insecurity of if my father will turn off the modem or not - I stop and I breathe. I secure myself here as what is real, and I consider others sleeping when speaking, as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wishing that my father goes to bed when he scold me, without realizing that wishing that isn't a practical solution to really take responsibility for my own self-interest point of speaking aloud without considering that others are sleeping, so, I can consider a practical solution as talk with my father, taking responsibility for my own self-interest, and making a solution = speak with moderated volume.

When and as I see myself wishing that my father goes to bed when he scold me - I stop and I breathe. I go to him and I apologize and show the practical solution: speaking with moderated voice volume.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that my father won't turn off the modem, without realizing that hoping isn't gonna change anything, hence I can take responsibility and assume my self-interest point and show the solution as what is best for all as moderate my voice volume as considering others sleeping.

When and as I see myself hoping that my father won't turn off the modem - I stop and I breathe. I turn off the hope through realizing that I'm here and I speak with my father, taking responsibility for my own self-interest point and I moderate my voice volume considering others sleeping as what is best for all.

Re-defining the word constancy/constancia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word constancy with the word obligation, and the word obligation with a negative charge in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word constancy with the word perseverance, and the word perseverance with a positive charge in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word constancy as something that never change, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word constancy as something special, and something special as a positive experience, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word constancy as something too heavy, as something that I cannot have/do, and something too heavy and something that I cannot have/do as a negative experience, in separation from myself as the word.

constancy
n    adjective
1    occurring continuously.
2    remaining the same. Øfaithful and dependable.
n    noun an unchanging situation. ØMathematics a component of a relationship between variables that does not change its value. ØPhysics a number expressing a relation or property which remains the same in all circumstances, or for the same substance under the same conditions.

Sounding:
con stancy
con = with in english
stance = estancia in spanish

constancy = con-stance = giving oneself direction and continuation standing within and as breath to act upon a practical point
constancia = con-(e)stancia = darse a uno mismo dirección y seguimiento levantándose en y como el respiro en la realización de un punto práctico

Enjoy.

¿Sabías que el monóxido de carbono hace que explotes?

Estaba terminando de hacer ratings en http://desteni.ratings.org y de repente comencé a sentir olor a parafina, y pregunté que es lo que había pasado - anteriormente me habian pedido que prenda la estufa y simplemente no la prendí, y luego lo olvidé al estar haciendo ratings.

Y bueno, el tema es que, pregunté hacia abajo qué es lo que había pasado, por qué había tanto olor a parafina, y mi tío me dijo 'toma eso te pasa por no prender la estufa' y luego mi hermano dice 'fui yo que entré muy antes la estufa' - en ese momento reaccioné y ya al estar irritado mi hermano me pidió que lo acompañe afuera, que salga porque había mucho olor a parafina - claramente - y sólo respondí 'no', tenía considerado hacer ratings y luego salir - y así lo hice.

Luego salí, y me dí cuenta de que - bueno, iba caminando y habían dos perros, los cuales siempre me ladraban, y tuve miedo a que me muerdan... empecé a caminar aplicando el perdón al miedo, y me di cuenta de que los perros no me mordieron, era sólo el miedo, al pasar por el lado del primero se alejo de mi y comenzó a ladrar pero bastante despacio, y yo sólo seguí caminando, y ahí el segundo se puso delante mío y movió su cola, y el primer perro comenzó a ladrar nuevamente y el segundo hizo lo mismo pero no me hicieron nada, sólo ladraban.

Entones, seguí caminando, y en ello me dí cuenta/entendí que la irritación surgió por el miedo de intoxicarme con el olor a parafina o con el monóxido de carbono, luego la ansiedad de si me iba a intoxicar o no, luego el deseo de salir de ahí simplemente y escapar de mi miedo y que de hecho la irritación por mantenerme en la fricción al haberme poseído en terminar de hacer ratings, y por ende tal irritación duró hasta que salí = escapé de mi miedo.

Claramente este miedo surgió por mi creencia en la información/conocimiento de que respirar monóxido de carbono puede provocar una intoxicación sin haberla comprobado por mi mismo, ya que lo que realmente había comprobado del monóxido de carbono es que me da sueño.

Perdón a uno mismo y declaración correctiva:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as an image of myself being bitten by a dog, without realizing that that image can't be real, because it is just in my mind, so any belief about it, if it's real or not, is just bullshit, and HERE is what is real, so any picture from my mind is just self-dishonesty, because it isn't here, also isn't what is best for all, because is self-deception to worry about future.

When and as I see myself in and as an image of myself being bitten by a dog - I stop and I breathe. I realize that that image is not what is happening HERE, and that is unnecessary go image based projections because I realize that I am here BREATHING so what is happening here as the physical is what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to being bitten by a dog because of the belief that I will be bitten by a dog when seeing an image of myself being bitten by a dog, without realizing that fear cannot exist as myself breathing HERE, because that fear and belief can only exist as a future projection, thus it isn't real because I'm here in and as every moment, so fear is not being here breathing, rather in and as an image as future projection.

When and as I see myself fearing to being bitten - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no need to fear my own believe, and that I'm here breathing, thus there's no possibility of the image to manifest, because it is an illusion, because I realize how this image emerged in my mind and how I was still breathing here, so it is like an illusion dimension - not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being intoxicated for having the paraffin-stove ON because of believing that the carbon monoxide of it may cause me an intoxication, and just as information/knowledge, without realizing that I cannot prove that because I haven't live it - so is useless fearing that which I don't have a certainty of, and that the real effect I've live about it is tiredness and sleep - so really it is oxygen what I need in the moment.

When and as I see myself fearing to being intoxicated for having the paraffin-stove on - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the intoxication point is just a belief as information/knowledge so it isn't a practical solution, and that the real effect that I have experienced is tiredness and sleep, so I can just go outside and breathe as a practical solution for the consequence of oxygen need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anxiety as the insecurity of being intoxicated or not for having the paraffin-stove on, without realizing that is useless being anxious for that because I clearly can direct myself to go outside, and because the effects that I really have experience are tiredness and sleepiness.

When and as I see myself anxious for and as the insecurity of being intoxicated or not for having the paraffin-stove on – I stop and I breathe. I realize that there’s no point to fear the belief of getting intoxicated because of having the stove on, because it isn’t real, because I’m here breathing so it is just a mind projection based on a belief, so it can’t be real because it isn’t HERE – likewise I just can go outside considering that inhaling carbon monoxide requires me to take oxygen, so I can place my head out of the window and breathe until I’m stable HERE again as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to go outside as an escape to the fear of being intoxicated because of having the stove on, without realizing that I don’t need that desire of go outside because of fearing to being intoxicated because of having the stove on to take consideration of myself as the physical and just direct myself to go outside, and without understanding that this desire was just feeding the fear itself, so there’s no need to transform a practical application considering what is best for my human physical body to a energetic experience of fear and desire to escape from it.

When and as I see myself desiring to go outside as an escape to the fear of being intoxicated because of having the stove on – I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is a practical consideration to go outside and breathe clear oxygen, thus the desire to escape as resistance to the fear is unnecessary because the fear itself isn’t real because of the real effects that I can see about the stove, which are tiredness and sleepiness so it isn’t a possibility get intoxicated because of having the stove on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of not directing myself to go outside because of desiring to go outside because having the stove on, without realizing that is not about desiring it or fearing it, rather just doing it in consideration of what is best for myself as human physical body, considering that if I have difficult to breathe, that means that is adequate to go outside and breathe clear oxygen.

When and as I see myself irritated because of not directing myself to go outside because of desiring to go outside because having the stove on – I stop and I breathe. I realize that considering myself as the physical is a primary consideration, thus if I see myself with difficulty to breathe, I just direct myself to breathe out of the window or if I know that the carbin moxide is going out of control I direct myself to go outside, because I see that there’s no point in possesing myself doing what I’m doing, rather considering myself as the physical in every breath HERE.

Redefining the word expression/expresión:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word expression with the word freedom, and the word freedom with a positive charge, in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word expression as free choice, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word expression with something especial as a positive charge, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to asociate expression with the tonality of my voice and the movements of my body, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word expression as not thinking nor feeeling in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to asociate the word expression with the word childhood in separation from myself as the word.

expression
n.
1. The act of expressing, conveying, or representing in words, art, music, or movement; a manifestation: an expression of rural values.
2. Something that expresses or communicates: Let this plaque serve as an expression of our esteem.
3. Mathematics A symbol or combination of symbols that represents a quantity or a relationship between quantities.
4. The manner in which one expresses oneself, especially in speaking, depicting, or performing.
5. A particular word or phrase: "an old Yankee expression . . . 'Stand up and be counted'" (Charles Kuralt).
6. The outward manifestation of a mood or a disposition: My tears are an expression of my grief.
7. A facial aspect or a look that conveys a special feeling: an expression of scorn.
8. The act of pressing or squeezing out.
9. Genetics The act or process of expressing a gene.

Sounding:
Expression
Ex Press Ion

Ex Press: without press
Ion: atom – the physical

Expression: Manifestation of oneself as life in practical consideration of oneself.
Expresión: Manifestación de uno mismo como vida en consideración práctica de uno mismo.

Disfruten.

El juego del miedo de la autoridad

Estaba en una habitación y llegó mi tío, me dijo 'tsss y mas encima te traigo el desayuno' y tal desayuno era un papel con marihuana, y le dije que no, y tuve el juicio 'oh, esto cuesta dinero' - y mi tío volvió a insistir, y en ese momento temí volver a decir NO por miedo a que se enoje y por miedo a generarme una experiencia negativa - y recibí la mota y me dijo que lo muela.
Le saqué una rama que estaba viendo y creí que estaba haciéndolo incorrectamente y tuve miedo a estar haciéndolo incorrectamente, y sucedió - boté un poco de mota, como actuando torpemente por tal miedo, y bueno pues, mi tío me dijo 'ves, ya botaste' y sentí frustración por creerme a mi mismo ser estúpido por botar mota.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the judgment 'oh, this costs money', without realizing that money isn't an excuse to act against my decision, because what is behind that judgment is the desire to have expensive things, so - desire to be powerful because of the belief that if I have expensive things, then I'm superior.

When and as I see myself in and as the judgment 'oh, this costs money' - I stop and I breathe. I realize how we justify ourlseves with money, as a way to not see what we we have accepted and allowed, thus I understand how I have supressed fear by generating a positive experience as having expensive things, hence is irrelevant, because in fact I realize how we have created the money functions as fear supress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have expensive things because of the belief that if I have expensive things then I'm superior, without realizing that actually nothing has value more than the value we give to things and that we can't be more/less than we already are, because we are one and equal for the only fact that we are all here.

When and as I see myself desiring to have expensive things - I stop and I breathe. I realize that the value that we have given to things is in fact related to how we seek superiority, thus I realize that this search is in fact one of the principles of consumerism, making ourselves HAPPY with expensive things as things with more value, and clearly this cannot make sense, because we are equal as life as all and everyone HERE - so nothing can be more or less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that don't have expensive things because of the belief that if I have expensive things then I'm superior, without realizing that I was considering myself as inferior if I don't have those expensive things, and within that that I'm not able to be superior/inferior because all that is here has no price, is what we are as life - the physical.

When and as I see myself fearing to not having expensive things - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need to define myself through the value of things because through that fear we have accepted and allowed to exist within and as an unequal money system, and that the only way to define ourselves is through the mind, because we cannot be more or less of what we already are breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying NO because of fearing to create anger within a being, without realizing that that fear starts with and as an image of the being beating me so the fear behind these fears is the fear of being beaten by saying NO, connected to the memory of my parents beating me for saying no to their orders.

When and as I see myself fearing to say NO - I stop and I breathe. I realize that that fear is just a projection as an image of what would happen, and that I don't need to fear saying NO and being beaten for it because I'm here breathing, so I direct myself in every moment of breath HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the judgment 'I'm doing this incorrectly', without realizing that there's no correct or incorrect way to do anything, and that that judgment emerges because of the memory of my parents scolding me because of not doing things the way they wanted, thus the point behing that judgment is the fear of not doing things the way that others want because of fearing being scolded for not doing things the way others want.

When and as I see myself within and as the judgment 'I'm doing this incorrectly' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that there's no correct or incorrect way to do things, thus what I do is self-expression, and that do things the way others want is just self expression suppression, so I'm the one that decide stand up expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not doing things the way that others want, without realizing that there's no reason to do things the way others want, because that is just limitation as limiting myself to do things the way others want - and that I'm able to discover and walk my own expression, and that no one can influence me if I decide to not be influenced.

When and as I see myself fearing to not doing things the way others want - I stop and I breath. I realize that I direct myself and express myself thus I can see what is supportive as what is best for all and what is not, thus my decision of standing up as self-expression doesn't depend on anything or anyone, is justa practical considertation in and as the moment, as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated because of not doing things the way others want, without realizing that I don't need to do things the way others want, and that we always try to influence others to do things the way we want because of FEAR of right and wrong through what we have learned by our parents, thus is irrelevant continue with that insane loop.

When and as I see myself frustrated because of not doing things the way others want - I stop and I breath. I realize that is unnecessary get frustrated for that, because I decide how to do things within the consideration of what is best for all, and how I can support myself to be more effective in what I do.

I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm stupid if I don't do things the way others want, without realizing that I cannot be stupid as a diminish word, because we are equal as life HERE, thus I don't need to do things the way others want because I express myself and I'm able to see if I can consider an application within the consideration of what is best for all, and is useless to do things the way others want because I see that we aren't considering ourselves as one and equal so the the way to do things is just an attempt to be superior - and it's unnecesary to continue the acceptance and allowance to be influenced - one as equal as life doesn't need to influence anyone, one can only influence oneself.

When and as I see myself believing that I'm stupid if I don't do things the way others want - I stop and I breathe. I realized that I cannot be more or less of what I already am as life breathing here, thus, I realize how we have separated ourselves from who we are as life through defining ourselves as more or less, when clearly that separation only exists as consciousness, because LIFE is equal and one in ALL WAYS - always.

Redefining the word Autoridad/Authority:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Authority with a negative charge, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Authority as something that rules me, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a value as something more than me to the word Authority, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Authority with the word Power and Control, and the words Power and Control with a positive charge, in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Authority with politicians and government, in separation from myself as the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Authority with the memory of my parents scolding me for not doing things the way they said, and that memory with a negative charge, in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word Authority with god, and the word god as something separated from me and superior to me.

authority
n    noun (plural authorities)
1    the power or right to give orders and enforce obedience.
2    a person or organization exerting control in a political or administrative sphere.
3    the power to influence others based on recognized knowledge or expertise. Øan authoritative person, book, or other source.

Sounding (spanish):
Autoridad
Autor-y-dad

Autoridad = darse dirección a uno mismo como autor de uno mismo para vivir
Authority = give direction to self as author of self's living